Trusting God and Walking With Him vs. Knowing of Him and Doing Things for Him

Have you ever wondered why, in the middle of the night, you get some of the best ideas to write about, rather during the day? I asked God about this, he laughed and said, "This one is easy, I have your undivided attention at night." I just layed there and knew he had me on that one, so here I sit, with another blog to write.

I am currently in a bookstudy at Christ Anglican Church and we are reading/discussing "True Faced" by John Lynch. To sum it up, he proposes that we actually walk through life wearing masks, some of us wear lots of them, and never fully embrace our authentic, God created selves. He then goes on to explain his understanding of how to finally take the masks off, and live a life free of them, in God's grace, and the thought of that had me hooked. What makes this book even more interesting to me, is that I am reading it just after reading "Walking with God", by John Eldridge, and the two of them combined have given me a whole new perspective of what this following God thing is all about, so I share my short take of that here with you, because God decided to wake me up at 2 am and said it's important. I have learned when things like that happen, not to ignore it, he always has a greater purpose.

So, in "True Faced", the idea that most of us live in one of two rooms in life, room one being Trusting God, and room two being Performing for God, is a concept that got me thinking. As I read through the first two chapters of 'True Faced', my new understanding that God desires an intimate relationship with me, from "Walking with God", kept popping in my head, and I knew the two were relevant. You see, I believe there are two rooms, but the Trusting God room is also connected to Walking with God, and the Performing for God is also connected to lots of people Knowing who God is. They all go hand in hand. And how is that relevant?

I can only speak for myself, but the difference in living in room one rather than in room two has changed my life, in remarkable ways. I'll start by explaining what living in room two, Knowing of God and Performing for him, looks like. I was raised in a Christian home and became a Christian at the age of 10. For 41 years, I knew who God was, believed in him, went to church for the most part, read my bible at times, did good things for people, helped others, tried to set a good example, prayed, sang in the choir, loved children, taught school, always leaned toward the idea that God was in control and his will would be done. Underneath all those masks, I was depressed, sad, had screwed up relationships, and felt condemned to always live like that, but could never let anyone see it (See the pattern here?) Lots of doing,lots of numbness, but very little living, and I had little understanding of what 'walking' with God not to mention 'trusting' him really meant. Was I happy? At times, but for the most part, due to lots of reasons, I wasn't, but could never explain why. Most people saw me as happy, (mask, mask, mask), but inwardly I was pretty empty, I questioned the whole God idea and believed life was cruel and at my best I was a screw up.

Now move to room one, Trusting God and walking with him daily. This room is much harder to stay in, or even walk into. It's easy to get caught up in the doing, because I can list all the "things" I do well, right, and for God, which help make me feel like I am a good Christian. But the trust isn't there really. Walking into this room is a whole other ball of wax, because it requires that first, I am willing to take my masks off and allow God to see me for who I really am, and see myself for that matter, and then swallow the fact that I don't have the answers, he does. It's also quite humbling. I went from a doer to first, a listener and someone who chooses to talk with God as I walk through my day, and second, I DO or NOT DO the things he asks. What? I thought the doing part was in room two. It is, but it's also in room one, in a different way. In room two, for the most part, I chose what I wanted to do, the when, why, and how, with no trust part for God and my life stayed royally screwed up, at least on the inside. In room one, I first have to talk to God, and then trust him to give me the direction HE wants me to take, and often it's not what I really want to do, which is hard. But, I can tell you like I am sitting here, the times I choose to talk with and trust God, have been life changing, to the point of OMG weird, but in a really awesome God way. Let me show you what this looks like.(I listed the "Performing for God" parts earlier), here are the Walking and Trusting God parts, at least a few.

1. I spent some time loading songs on my ipod a few weeks ago and as I was talking with God about some of the songs and he said, "Make your sister a cd." Hmmm...I was like, with what, and thought how strange. So I skimmed through songs and as I came across a title that seemed to stick out like a bird singing I added each to my playlist. After about 10, I asked if these were the right ones, and as I heard a yes, I then heard, 'rearrange' them. I thought about that, and then realized the ten songs I picked out were ones that started with lyrics about being flat on your knees in despair to the last one being about being delivered and praising God. I burned the cd, wrote a message on it, and put it aside. A few hours later my sister had to stop by, unexpectedly, and this is what she said. "I wish I had some music I could listen to in the car, just for me, the girls always get my music and I need some new stuff just for me." I almost fell out of my chair. I laughed, handed her the cd, and told her to read the wrapper, it simply said, " God has a message for you." Needless to say, the impact of that message is still working, and I am still amazed and mystified about God's timing.

2. Three weeks ago God said to me, "Time to write your testimony." I was like, again, "What?" To who, what for, what testimony? He simply said write it, so nine pages later I sent it to two people to read and asked them to give me some feed back on content, having no idea what point there was to writing it really. The following week I got an email from the leader of a woman's bible study group I attend. She wanted to know if I would give my testimony before the group that next week. Once again, almost fell out of my chair laughing. I told her about the humor in her request, and she just knew it was another God thing. She also had NO idea I had written it already before she asked. God Weird, but good!

3. This blog is an interesting part of me trusting God. If you read the posts written before Jan. of this year you notice a difference in the ones written lately. Why? Well, back in March, God said to me he would use this blog to reach people he needed to reach, and my story would be an important way to reach them. At first, I was like, "What story, you can't be serious, and what about my story would make a hill of beans difference to anyone who reads it?" God said, "Your whole story is important, but I'm asking you to trust me in writing this blog, take risks for me, and trust me." So, as you can see in March, my topics have been quite, 'different' to say the least. I have written about very personal topics, took risks to share personal, tragic events in my life, that I really DIDN'T care to share here, but trusted him regardless. What I didn't expect was the overwhelming response this blog would have on some people. (And I humbly say this, not trying to toot my horn at all) I have met people from all over the world, some atheists who don't believe in God, but choose to read my blog, and even met one person online, who I have never seen, who honestly was considering ending her life, but because of God's message that she is not alone, that there are actually people out there that understand her pain, she is actually still breathing and walking the Earth. I could go on and on about how these words impact people, but that's not the point. The words aren't mine, they are God's. If he told me to write fairy tales at this point I would, because even though I don't quite understand why he would ask me to do these things, he does, and that's the point really, Trusting God, Walking with him intimately, and living an authentic life like I never thought possible.

I wish I could say all of God's requests were easy but, honestly, sometimes, he tells me no, don't go there, and even in those times I see the impact of what the other choice would have been like, and I am grateful, regardless of the hurt I might feel, that I trusted him.

So,living in room one really isn't easy. It's actually the HARDEST way I have ever lived, because the evil powers that exist in this world are none too happy when I choose to stay in that room. It's much harder for them to get to me there. Oh, they try, they try so hard I often feel like I am being run over by a bus, and I often question when can I come up for air. But at the end of the day, when I close my eyes and talk to God about the whole deal, we laugh, he tells me how proud he is of me, how loved I am, and sometimes he simply puts his arms around me and helps hold me up. That type of trusting and following God I get, hook, line, and sinker. The other type, am I on enough committees, volunteering enough at church, keeping up with enough prayer lists, going to church enough, etc. will never be the type of life I believe God intended for me to live. (And I am in NO way dissing working at church. I am simply saying, are you 'doing' lots of things for God or asking and trusting him if you should be? He may want you writing a blog like me, rather than teaching Sunday school, my point is, ask him, that's all.) And the more I talk to him about it, the more he wants you to know the same thing, RUN TO ROOM NUMBER ONE! He has a hug and lots of love waiting for you there.

For those of you who read this blog and go, "Nobody talks to God or hears his voice, she must be nuts," let me explain. After 41 years one of my first prayers to God was that would he communicate with me in a way I would understand and would he please have a sense of humor? Ever since, we have a unique line of communication going that I can't explain, but honestly don't try to. It is what it is. I would challenge you that if you struggle with praying and feel that you never hear back from God, maybe change your prayer a bit. First ask him what I did. I can't say you will get the same result, I really have no clue, but what do you have to lose by asking?

The two books listed above are simply MUST reads for anyone wishing to walk through this life with a relationship with God and one with your true self. They are part of a bigger story of how my life has shifted, but I can't say enough about the impact they have had on me. All because those authors took risks and wrote the words God gave them. I'll be looking for you in room one, we are a humbled, messed up bunch, but filled with lots of love and acceptance.

A few AWESOME verses about the trust issue:

Psalms 51:10-13

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right [1] spirit within me.
11 Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will return to you.

The Message about Rainbows (at least for me)

I have always been fascinated with rainbows. Actually, the color spectrum seen through prisms, which can also be seen in rainbows, is the attraction, at least I thought, until I really gave some deeper thought into the significance of rainbows in my life. My perspective on both is now different, and I share it here with you.

Lately I have been dealing with a spirit of condemnation about a lot things and several sources said I needed to look to the scriptures to see what God says about each 'issue' I have. The scripture to one of those came to me even before I knew I would be searching it out, and it came to me through the beauty of a rainbow. A few days ago my therapist told me that all evil spirits have a weakness, there are none that can't be defeated through God, and he asked if I knew of a Godly strength within me to help defeat it. I gave that some thought and the only thing that came to mind at the time was ever since I was alive I have always felt God's light within me, and I take that to be my faith in him, but describe it as his light. Now pure light is white, when all the colors of the visible light spectrum merge, it is white, and no one color is reflected off of our eyes. (that's a simple way to put it), but each color exists within that light, so as I see it, God is in me, his light exists in me, so all those colors exist in me as well. And, the colors of the rainbow are not simply red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet. Rainbows contain EVERY color that exists on this planet, our eyes are just not simply made to register each one on its own. Now, what do you know about me? This is easy for those of you who really know me but for those online, I'll fill you in.

When people describe me, my personality, my art, they always choose to use color. If any one person could ooze color, per say, it would be me, always has been, and I can't explain it, it is what it is. So, in the context of what defense I have my answer was that God's light and faith, living within me, is my greatest defense against the spirits that fight against me.

Now, let's fast forward, to this past weekend. It was the pits, for many reasons I won't list here, but just believe me when I say it ranked in the top five of all time bad ones on my list. I recall saying, and asking God repeatedly, "Why aren't you throwing me a lifeline here when you see me drowning? I just don't get it, or if it's there, would you make it more obvious, please?" Meanwhile, I lay here recovering from a really fun stomach virus that I had driving 6 hours to and 6 hours from UAB and the thought of our grass dying outside because it is being baked by this record setting heat. So, I crawled out of bed, went outside and grabbed the hose to start watering the grass, feeling like weak puppy water, as my best friend says. What do you think I saw while I did this? Yep, a RAINBOW across my field of vision as I held the sprayer. It took a minute or two to let this sink in, and then I began to laugh, out loud, because I got it, my lifeline that I had not been seeing. Not only did he show it to me, he even showed me a double one, a double rainbow, which if you know anything about rainbows, you know how rare they are. I stood there amazed and mystified about seeing two gorgeous rainbows in front of me. I started playing with the water to figure out why I could see them in some spots but not the others, and then it occurred to me, the sunlight had to be behind me, and the raindrops in front of me. I wish I could have cried out and let the emotion I felt about this exist outwardly, but I didn't. I just knew this was no coincidence, this was God sending me a message. So, usually when I know that, I stop what I'm doing and pay close attention so I don't miss it.

I walked into my house, wet and all, and Googled double rainbows. I began to see gorgeous pics of them, but more importantly I wanted to know how they were created, what was their purpose. As I read, I began to understand the significance of the sun being behind you and the rain in front, both having to exist at a set specific point in time for the rainbow to be created. And as I read, I closed my eyes and asked God what this mean, and here is what he said to me, " Ardith, you have always carried my true light within you, and you reflect it through your many different colors you choose to paint life with. All of those experiences you have lived and suffered through are important, they are the tears required to have my light reflect through you in the way it was meant to, as a rainbow. I have your back through each one, but it took teardrops, sometimes lots of them, to be able to reflect my love through you, and by your own colors, others see me in you. That power within you is more powerful than any evil spirit that is within or around you, and it is meant to be shared. But more importantly, you must first trust me in this and believe me completely, this promise I give to you, that through any pain you walk through, I, your father will not bring any harm to you.

Whew, that was a lot, a big " I wouldn't want to miss it message" and then I stumbled onto a blog about rainbows where someone had commented this message about them:

God made a covenant with his people, a promise, that he would never harm the Earth by flooding it like that again, and God never lies. Don't ever believe there is only scientific phenomenon behind rainbows, it is God's promise to us.
I set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a sign of a covenant between me and the Earth. Never again shall the water become a flood to destroy all flesh. Genesis 9:13, 15 (Anonymous)

And then I knew it, the point of the entire message, which led me back to my list of condemnations I feel and me having to look up scriptures about each one. Here is the one this answers, the first of many I feel I will share with you:I feel condemned to never know how to fully trust God.
There, I said it, but what do we know about this verse in the bible and why God said it? He made a covenant to his people that the Earth would NEVER be flooded again to end all of human life, and to my knowledge, that has never happened, which means when God makes a promise he keeps it, HE CAN BE TRUSTED! Now I know this trust thing is a daily walk, but for me in this day, this was a much appreciated message I needed, a lifeline I had been missing. And, as I walked to the car to get my laptop so I could come and write this, I opened the car door, and hanging from my rear view mirror is a large, crystal shaped teardrop I like to call my disco ball, and inside my car there where hundreds of tiny rainbows dancing all over my car. God's light, shining through my teardrop, showing me rainbows. Ahhh, what a moment that was. And this last part is the kicker, to the significance of it all, do you know what the letters of the rainbow stand for? (At least in my opinion)
Reaching
All
In
Need
By
Our
Witness

May God send you a rainbow so you may know and believe that his love and trust for you are real with every breath you take. That is my prayer for each of you today.

What Kind of Tale Have We Fallen Into?

As Frodo and Sam chose to face a mythical journey, one where fate had chosen them, a fellowship protected them, and evil hunted them, I too choose to believe that my life is as important as theirs was on a mythical scale. Though they are fictional characters, their story of great triumphs in the face of tragedy is one where the bigger picture of good vs. evil lay in the balance. The story of David and Goliath in First Samuel is one that resonates with me as well in the understanding that small forces can conquer mighty evil presences in this world, and David was real. He was a small, shepherd boy who believed mightily in God and knew that his God of Israel would protect him and deliver his people from the Philistines.

Why would the people who were alive back in the days that Jesus walked the Earth be any different than us? Why would they be any more important to the kingdom of God than we are? I have thought about this a lot, prayed about it even more, and God said to me that my story is an important one. He will do great things if I am willing to share my story with others. In that I trust him as David trusted God back in his day. Though I don’t carry a stone with me or a slingshot, I carry my faith, my story of a person who has overcome great odds to carry forward God’s message, and the knowledge that God above all else is the reason I am alive today. If he loves me, with all of my faults, then he loves everyone, because I share the same types of faults as any other man.

I may not be aware of the details or pitfalls that lie ahead in my journey, but I am aware of the fellowship that I share, and the mission my friends share with me. Ours is one of love conquering evil. The friends that I choose to trust, their love for me and for God, will help strengthen my shield against the evil that is very real in this world. This world is dying because man’s selfish desires and ignorance are killing it. Time goes by slowly, but there is a battle afoot for the kingdom of man, and one that is so worth fighting for. I believe that my efforts, along with those in my fellowship of friends, will be ones that share love in a world of hate, sow peace in a world of pain, and give hope to those who have lost theirs.

And not only this, but we exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulations bring about perserverence; and perseverence, proven character, and proven character hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:3-5

As Frodo and Sam helped one another take steps that they each didn’t think they could take alone, their bond of friendship carried them ahead. Friends are important in this journey we are on. I can only imagine the outcome if Frodo had befriended someone who didn’t have his best interest at heart, like Smeagle. Choosing friends carefully is important because one never knows when we will need one of those friends to help us carry the message of love and hope into a dark, evil world. Evil is around us. It is what keeps us tired, angry, and sick. Can you imagine what the world would be like without those forces? It would be a very different one wouldn’t it?

The journey to defeat evil in all its forms is the heart of the message that God has for us. It’s really the whole point. The point that God loves us, that he wants us to be joyful and maintain an intimate relationship with him, is the reason the war is so worth fighting for. He wants peace for every man, and he has is heart broken when people choose to walk alone in such a world as ours. I choose a path that is mythical, one that will leave a legacy of faith, hope, and love in a world where that is hard to come by. As David defeated Goliath, I hope to defeat the evil spirits that haunt me and my loved ones, ones that hurt children, and ones that keep people sick on a daily basis. David used a rock and his willingness to stand before a mighty enemy to glorify God. God has given me a rock in the message of my story. I’ll use my rock to sling in the face of my enemy which I call defeat, frustration, anger, and hurt. They are as dangerous as Goliath was to David, but these forces will not be ones that conquer anything in my life. My story, and the slinging of my rock, will show a lost and dying world that there is hope that springs eternal, and not all is lost. And as little Frodo and Sam ventured out, the impact of their actions were ones that save the world in the end. Though they were little in stature, they were big in heart. I too feel the same.

Fate has chosen me,
A Fellowship Will Protect Me,
Evil will hunt me,
And God will prevail.
Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.
What about you?
To watch the theatrical trailer of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy follow this link:
http://www.lordoftherings.net/trailers/