Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I'm Putting Myself Back In My God Jar!


What a day! or should I say past few months, that would be more appropriate. I just got home after seeing my internest, had to take a few minutes to soak it all in, and decided to put myself back in my God jar. My best friend Holly uses one, so I love the idea. Basically, you choose a jar, one that speaks to your artistic voice, or any other voice you choose. You then get small slips of paper and write the names of those in your life you are putting in God's hands and place it inside the jar. I choose to put anything I can't control in my God jar, those whom I love and wish protection for, and yes, those health issues I just can't understand. The physical act of placing them in the jar helps me understand to let go, which is oh so hard at times. I would encourage anyone to try it if they find themselves in situations they can't control and are desperately trying to. I pulled myself out a few days ago and once again, my body reminded me where it should be, so I put me back in. Since I had pneumonia in Jan. my blood pressure has been up and my heart has had irregular rythms. We, including the doctors thought things would settle down once I got back on solid food. It didn't happen that way. He heard the rhytyms today so I have more testing. I can't do a stress test due to my leg and asthma, so I will be wearing a 30 day holter monitor. If you are the praying type I am asking for your help here. Please pray that this test turns out normal. I usually handle all this health stuff pretty well, I stay optimistic, I know what I must do and what I have to let go of. Since Jan. it has been just overwhelming. I did great during my first 19 surgeries. Sure, I had pain issues and stuff, but I always saw the light at the end of the tunnel. This time has been different. I'm not sure if it was because surgeries are one thing, but life threatening pneumonia is another. Whatever the case I am mentally pretty shot and would appreciate it if you said a prayer for me to rise above this once again. I know I am where God wants me to be, though I may not understand it. I know patience is needed here, it's just hard to find. I have lived 20 some odd years dealing with health issues, and I always knew who carried me through them. I know God is doing the same here, I just wish I understood the why's of it all. Many of you, especially those artist who email me that live with disabilities understand this. I'm greatful to all of you who keep encouraging me along the way. I'm making a goal today that despite what my body chooses to do this week I will paint something by Friday. I will post it here so I hold myself accountable. This blog was meant for those who, like me, struggle with chronic pain and heatlh issues that are life changing. Through it, it continues to change my life because when I reach out you guys reach back, thank you. God is good, Ardith (I wish I knew who painted this, a friend sent it to me, it fits perfectly.)
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