Ardith's Art Journal

Week 4 - Appreciate Your Hands

2012-02-03T12:04:00.000-06:00

Week 4 - Appreciating My Hands

Hands. Fingers. Fingernails. Skin. Wrinkles.
As much as I depend on these two hands of mine it is true, I don't stop and give a ton of thought into being appreciative of them. This week our challenge was to make a special effort to consider the importance of our two hands.

I gave this a good bit of thought at first, I mean, I paused and considered how to look at my hands this week through different eyes. I wanted to 'see' my hands as separate entities so that I could gain some insight in to just how vitally important they are. To do this, I decided to use a strategy I loved back in the day of when I taught elementary school. I used my Wonder Cards.

Mini Wonder Cards

Wonder Cards are simply a way to organize information about a topic, in preparation for writing a paper about it. My Wonder Question was "Why Are My Hands So Significant?" Once I knew my Wonder Question, I made cards asking more detailed questions that would truly give me a complete perspective about my hands. These are the 'Mini-Questions' I asked myself:

1. What function do my hands mainly serve?
2. How do those functions affect my daily life?
3. What causes my hands to change over time?
4. Does the appearance of my hands stir emotions? Why?
5. What do I love/hate about them?

6. How would my life change without them?
7. How do my hands affect others?

As I began to answer these mini-questions I realized my answers were too easy, too obvious. I wanted to think through them, to challenge my intellect and approach this topic out of the box, so I began to research a few things.

I attempted to complete tasks using no hands.
I asked people questions about their own hands.
I looked back through my photographs to see if hands were significant enough to have been photographed.
I studied the form and function of their anatomy.
I pampered my hands and showed them love.
I listed inward and outward factors that altered my hands.
I meditated, pondered, and considered how my hands were used as instruments of peace or instruments of hate.

As each day went by, I became acutely aware at just how significant they are. Not simply from a use point of view, but from an attachment point of view. This exercise stirred emotions I was not aware of, like how important it is that I see my mothers and fathers fingers in my hands, and the connection I feel when I see that. It also made me value their ability to show love to my hubs, my child, and myself in a physical way simply by touch. When I realized how much I hated certain parts of my hands, but loved others, it made me understand a lot more of how I see myself and how I perceive that others see me. This all was enlightening.

After all the reflection, research, writing, drawing, and thinking about my hands I felt that I could answer my Wonder Question with greater insight than I had expected. Here is what I learned:

My hands are used to create beauty.

As a matter of function, they rule. They hold, caress, grip, stroke, tap, tinker, and take apart the tiniest parts of my life and allow the largest parts to exists. Without them, I would lose many of the juicy tidbits about life that I love. They hold the reflection of who I am, where I come from, and the promise of where I am headed. My hands are the vessels that allow me to express beauty, love, and emotions which show the best of me and the worst of me. They speak, they feed, they nourish my days through fragile moments and at times, with great strength. My hands are beautifully made, connected to my mind and heart, and by my choice can serve as agents of peace or agents of madness. They never act alone. My hands are significant, because without them, my ability to live as a Creative would be affected beyond measure. As hands are measures of time as well, I am deeply grateful to understand their connection with that greater consciousness. May I value them always, and choose to use them to share beauty, never to harm.

My hands are the keys to unlocking who I am.

Little Red Clutch Purse

2012-01-26T19:31:00.001-06:00

One of the benefits I am finding of cleaning my art studio is challenging myself to find ways to use items I already have. My best pal Terri gave me this little red clutch purse LAST YEAR!

Yep, I had plans to collage it but it has sat on my shelf for that long being neglected. When I decided to create a traveling art studio to keep in my car, this screamed out at me as a perfect fit for my graphite kit. Who says artists can't be fancy with their stuff? I am working on writing a post about building your own traveling art kit, when I finish my studio I will share it. So far, I am getting excited about the possibilities!

Before going out and spending lotsa bucks on trendy new art organizers, I challenge you to look at what you have and see if anything meets your needs. Just might save you a few bucks you can spend on bling later!

Before and After Studio Project

2012-01-25T14:34:00.002-06:00

I have a confession to make....I am a pig! Honestly, I even have the snort and pig sounds to go along with this pitiful image. Seriously, there are reasons behind this mess....some require rationalization on my part, others require a "Come to Jesus Meeting," with myself, but the main one is that my wonderful son moved back home to go to college and reclaimed his room...yes...this room...so I am faced with studio issues. I have ignored the inevitable for the most part, especially when I walked past the door and all my art supplies moan from neglect, but the time has come that I must confront this monster.

The only way I could see that it would get done though is for me to shame myself publicly into cleaning it up. Now, I know I am not the only artist or mom who has been there right? I know there are tons of studios dotted all across the globe that have been here and done this, but my son and I just can't manage this mess. It is toxic really, to my mood, to his frame of mind, because what you don't realize is that his bed is where the picture cuts off. Yes, he lives in this room and has to look at this every day.

So, with the help of you all, some of my Pinterest friends who will support my before and after pics, I am diving head first into this mess....may God Help Me! Stay tuned, I promise "After" photos to follow!

Did I mention it is only a 4' by 6' space? Did I....?

(nervous tick ensues)

Project 52+ Week 3

2012-01-24T21:40:00.004-06:00

Textures and abstract patterns fascinate me in mixed media and I decided to adjust my photography passion to blend the best of both worlds. Here are two images, both taken with my Galaxy Nexus, and manipulated using the Google+ Creative Kit! This program is very similar to Picnik and I love its ease of use and options. I look forward to the challenge this year of pushing the envelope abstractly when it comes to photography and textures. So far the experience has been interesting.

On a Pinterest note, I am part of a community board that shares Design Pins. These pins celebrate the beauty of well thought out design, creativity, and function. If you are a lover of fine design with products, you might consider following our board, created by Zina Harrington, over on Pinterest! Here is an example of one of the products pinned to the Design Is Everything Board.

rocking chairs design by other metros architect marija cvetinovic

Project 52 Week Two

2012-01-07T16:20:00.001-06:00

I tinkered around with a few images this week, one of food, one of nature, and one abstract. In the end, I like all three but for different reasons. Food, most any type of food, is a draw to me and I love the human condition of experiencing it. Wickles Pickles, if you haven't tried them do, are my most favorite so I played with my food one morning and created a stacked pickle bite. Fresh mozzarella, French Rounds, Wickles Pickle, and a slice of pear was what I ended up with and the combination of the sweet and spicy was delicious!

Mushrooms are another fascination of mine. I don't care to eat them, but the structure and function of mushrooms cause my imagination and little grey cells to expand from the sheer number and diversity of them. I have no clue what type these are as they are new to me, so not only do I have a new picture but I have a new challenge to seek out and discover which type of foundlings these are.

On Google+ Project 52 the theme for the week was Winter/Summer, and we have had a weird one so far. One day it is 70 degrees and the next it is 20. Even the Japanese Magnolia's are already starting to bloom which doesn't bode well for them making it to Spring. As I looked at my pajama pants I knew I wanted to snap a few shots of my stripes because they were both Winter/Spring types, which gave me a great metaphor for the theme. I used my Galaxy Nexus camera, uploaded instantly to Google+, and finished the shot using the Creative Kit offered by Google which is tons of fun, especially for a project like this.

For the most part, I am hoping to find my path with Project 52 in showcasing a weekly year in the life through photos. If you are interested in following that journal I will be posting them here, on Google+, in Pinterest, and on our Flickr group page which should make the following a bit easier. If you are active in a Project 52 I would love to know so I can follow you as well!

Flickr Project 52 2012

Creative Spaces

2012-01-06T13:04:00.000-06:00

Do you have a creative space that you love? Is it a studio, a gallery, or simply a spot under a shady tree where you sketch every now and then? I have a few, but one of my most favorite creative spaces is the co-op gallery, Art(ology), that I am a member of. There are 8 of us, all women, all from the south, and all unique and lovely. The gallery itself brings me peace as soon as I enter the door, be it the soothing turquoise, the joyful art, or the 'vibe' as many of our patrons call it. Art(ology) just oozes the creative spirit that I connect with and I am grateful for it.

Art(ology) 306 Dauphin Street, Mobile

At home that's a different matter. My house is creative, but I am in a funk when it comes to solving my studio space issue now that my son lives at home again. I want him to have his own space, but that means finding a different space for my 'stuff' and creative life. This week I will be tackling that issue and may share some of the pics in the Project 52 group I am in. If it can be solved it will....creative gumption will rule the day!

You can follow my Project 52 photos on Pinterest as well!

Art Journal Love from Donna Downey

2011-11-26T11:23:00.000-06:00

I happened to be surfing the net the other day for mixed media artists and women bloggers and came across the website of Donna Downey. Art journals, mixed media techniques, tips and tricks, along with product trials are what she is a master at and I especially love her Inspiration Wednesday video tutorials about how she completes art journal pages. Her personality and style if refreshing, she is down to earth, which I love, and her images are easy to see and learn from. If you are an art journal fan and haven't heard of her, you have now. I am off to view more videos, then to sling some paint or glue. Peace!

inspiration wednesday 9.21.11 from donna downey on Vimeo.

Gratitude, Gratitude, Gratitude and one INSPIRATIONAL Prom Dress Story

2011-06-14T16:13:00.000-05:00

Let's just say this month has been one for the record books, books I would love to burn, page, by page, by page. But then again, all I have to do is turn on the T.V. or load Facebook to realize no matter how frustrated I am, no matter how exhausting life seems to be, no matter how impatient I have been, there are far worse things to deal with in life....and I am beyond grateful not to have to be dealing with them. My platter is plenty, thank you.

Two things of significance happened this morning, despite the chaos that surrounded them.

1. As I lay in bed enjoying the view of my bedroom, which at this point I could probably draw with my eyes closed, I realized I am surrounded by love....much love, and though I hate having to spend as much time in bed, I am grateful that my place of rest is a beautiful one. Here are some pics of my bedside. My bible is closest, though I truthfully admit it is not used as often as it should be. The notes from my sweet hubs stand as reminders when he is gone, or laying next to me, of his quiet love, the love I cherish. My reading list, at the moment, creates a beautiful sculpture of line and color, which speaks to my artistic spirit and seems to give my intellectual side the umph it needs to reach out and read, which at times has been hard. And then there are my candles. They help calm my mood, my spirit, and my senses, which are ever so helpful these days. These may be tiny little things to most people, but in my every day existence, these are the things that make life worth living, and make it beautiful.

2. After becoming royally peeved with insurance and Medicare and 'stuff' I turned on Facebook to find a link my friend Joy had posted about a single mom who just happened to write a blog about her struggles, which included a pic of this "TO DIE FOR" prom dress she desperately wanted for her daughter . Now, truth be told, it was the dress that actually got me hooked, I mean, hooked enough to click on the link and read the blog, but it was the story behind the dress that blew me away. I sat with chills and almost tears....of amazement, of guilt, and of the notion of a tiny little voice, deep inside my heart saying, "Flush, and get off the pity pot." It was then that I realized how, once again, I live such a blessed life, that God takes care of me in ways I don't deserve, and that despite all the horrid news reports and media coverage about how the world is so screwed up, there are wonderful, decent, loving people intermingled in all that mess. Here is Michelle Grimm's Blog, A Magical Moment, A Dream Dress, and I simply want to encourage my readers to stop long enough to read her story, you won't regret the 5 min....promise, promise, promise!

Michelle's Blog

Life is hard, life is beautiful, but life can be, at times, harder to bear than we believe it should be. I can only speak for myself, but I am choosing to embrace love not hate today, friendship not hardship, life rather than death, gratitude rather that complaints, and faith rather than doubt. For today, that is the best I can do.

Ten Words, One Prayer

2011-05-29T18:37:00.001-05:00

Each day I get to work on art about 15 min. at a time, which is part of my rehab. This is a challenge because me, being such a boundaries master, lol!, feels like it's only about a blink. So, as I lay in bed surrounded by the supplies I knew would be manageable, I felt drawn to words, but had no clue which ones. When this happens, I always take a deep breath,, or two, or three, and as I opened my eyes I felt led to grab the book sitting next to me on my night stand, "Classic Paintings." It's a tiny, lovely book, printed in France, long, long ago, so I turned to the page by the supervising publisher, Germain Bazin, and wrote the first ten words that spoke out to me:

YIELD, COMPASS, WISH, ATTAINMENT, COLLOQUY, SOUL, ABSORBED, SENSES, DAWN, AND SMALL.

As soon as I saw the words I had written it was as if a wave of grief came over me. For the past few months the news has been filled with despair, wars, death, tornadoes, destruction, and hate. So, as I closed my eyes, took a deep, deep breath, this prayer for peace came to me. I share it here with you, on the eve of Memorial Day when so many of our loved ones are honored and hope this prayer brings you solace and peace, in a world where it is so deeply needed.

This was my journal entry.

It's Gonna Be All Right

2011-05-27T18:16:00.000-05:00

There are no coincidences. I truly believe this. As much as I believe there is a God who loves me, I believe there is an evil force in our world trying to conquer my significance and light. In these two truths, at least to me, I believe nothing happens by chance. I believe one of these two forces in my world, God or evil, moves and life reacts around me, and I to it. Strong beliefs, yes. Controversial, to some. But in this year of my life, I am boldly saying, you don't have to agree with me, this is who I am, this is what I believe, and I love you regardless.

Two weeks ago I had my neck fused. Many of you know this, but many of my new fans and friends may not. Actually, this was my 23rd surgery, no car wreck, just a joint disease that has been a challenge since I was 23. Despite the physical limitations I have faced, the pain, the tears, I have and still believe I live a beautiful, unimaginable life, and am grateful.

Surgery is hard. Many of you know this, and many of who may be facing surgery are probably apprehensive, scared, and worried. I was, with every one. I have also had to deal with the post-operative depression that comes afterwards. Not to everyone, but to some, and to me, often. Part of it is meds, part pain, part life issues that surround me, but like my approach to everything, this will not conquer me, it's gonna be all right.

Today, after almost two months, my Occupational Therapist worked with me to begin painting again. Not a masterpiece, just a simple piece of art to teach me how my posture and adaptations will change for the rest of my life if I want to keep painting. The neck brace, it will be my new best friend. I kinda look at it at this point as an albatross around my neck but I will mentally deal with that because expressing myself creatively is a must, and I will not allow my physical limitations to conquer me either.

The back brace is a new, and constant friend, too. The collar keeps my neck from bending down, the brace helps my core stay stable. And, as I am told, starting small, with baby steps is what I must do, so I will. I wanted to share these with you, because many of my friends struggle with neck and back pain who are artists. If you know of any art friends who face these same issues, please share my blog with them. I have found limited resources and would love for them to know they are not alone. These are my adaptations, but they just might help you as well, especially if you are healing like I am. The painting is simply a start. I have no clue what it will turn into, but it felt good to put paint to paper and feel connected to the artistic spirit that flows within me.

And in the midst of all of this, life can actually fall apart, or it seems. Tears will flow, fears will become real, but in those moments I stop myself and simply breathe, breathe in God, breathe out everything else. My dear friend Terri Keller knows this, and for us, and hopefully many of you, those moments are what becomes the glue to our sanity.

A few hours ago I checked my Facebook page and my blessed college friend Pam had posted a video for me that made her think of me. This is where I know, coincidences don't happen. Every word of that video I needed to hear, to know, to believe, and there it was on my page. God is like that. To me, it's not about religion, it's about a loving God who knows how to gently reach out is hand, even through FB, and say, "I have you, I love you."

As I researched more about Sara Groves, this artist, her song, "It's Gonna Be All Right" struck a chord, especially the quotes. I felt the two videos simply needed to be shared, for private reasons, and for the simple fact that someone out there might need to know, IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT, in time, in faith, with the support of others. I love all of you, I love that you follow my stories, my journey of courage and healing, but most of all, that you love me for me, faults and all. Stay strong my friends, it can be overcome, it can be done, and WE WILL HEAL!

A Snail's Pace is Perfect

2011-05-20T11:37:00.002-05:00

It has been almost two months since I created, painted, or delved into that whimsical world of mine that is as much a part of me as my faith. Actually, I believe they are intertwined, and the time has been oppressive. That doesn't mean I have laid wailing and whining about a horrible life, on the contrary. My life is blessed beyond measure. It simply means there are parts of us, that make us each unique, and when one or more of those parts slip away, the person begins to fade just a bit. In my world, I hate to fade.

One week ago I had my neck fused. Surgery isn't new to me, but what that means in reality is that the creative process will take a bit longer to come back full circle. This morning, I went into my studio, lit a candle, and breathed in God and breathed out everything else. I have missed this place. The place of being surrounding by color, and potential, and imagination, but mostly the place where God is in the midst of it. As I sat, I pulled out a quote by Ira Glass and spent a long, southern bit of time pondering it, kinda like my grandpa used to do on the front porch in his rocking chair.

What I gained from this is that part of healing is loving myself enough to believe a snail's pace is perfect for now. I may draw a line on a paper, I may simply dream in color, watch the sun dance through my colored glass window, or I might even go back to my all time love of Play-doh. No matter the pace or the product, the beauty is that for me, creativity doesn't have to be limited to making a painting or a collage. It is simply part of who I am, part of my beautiful world, and God has been surrounding me with it the entire time.

It is easy to feel defeated. Physical pain can zap my zeal in an instant. Emotional and Mental Pain can completely debilitate me. But for today, I am choosing to embrace my creativity in much smaller ways, find the juicy tidbits of joy that surround me, and give myself permission to create anything, knowing full good and well the best of me will show itself when it is meant to. In that I am content.

Regardless of where you are, I hope his quote encourages you to see that creativity is meant to be experienced daily, in some form, no matter how small.....nothing or no one is insignificant!

Start From The Beginning

2011-05-19T11:36:00.001-05:00

Beginnings are part of us, each day, each moment, each breath.

I believe it is how we approach these beginnings that move us forward into our journey or cause us to stumble and fall back.

Neither motion defines our lives, but the culmination of the beginnings eventually leads us into a place we call "identity."

I pray today that my beginnings bring me to the point where my identity is at PEACE with the person I believe myself to be, and one who brings courage to those taking their own first steps.....to begin again.

http://www.redbubble.com/people/debbiechayes/art/6233576-baby-steps

The Arts in April!

2011-04-05T11:44:00.003-05:00

Wow! So much going on during April this month in the world of art!

Arts Alive Festival is April 8-10th in downtown Mobile. Art(ology) will have two booths with interactive art demos on the 9th and 10th.

Jennifer Norris, jeweler, will be our guest artist at Art(ology) for April and May. Her gorgeous works will be on display for Artwalk as well.

Mobile Arts Council will host the St. Joseph's 100 years of Light on the Hill show as part of the alumni week at Spring Hill College. St. Joseph's chapel will be the jewel of this show as it is portrayed across the century by different artists and different mediums. My watercolor will be part of it and I am honored to be part of such a great group and great cause.

The Artwork of Ardith Goodwin

Last year, during this week, The Artgown Project was kicked off with a ton of work from Karen Cassidy and many others at Blue Velvet Studios. My Kandinsky gown was part of that show, and just yesterday we found out it was one of two selected from our are to head to New Zeland for the next round of judging in the World of Wearable Art competition. Thanks to Karen, Mobile is now on the map in the international art and dress scene.

On a more personal note, still dealing with the persistent neck issues but as I have come to understand what a therapist once said to me, "Hang on baby, this too shall pass," all is well in the land of Ardithian.

Send me some love friends, missed texting it up with you lately! A

New Year, New Month, New Day!

2011-02-09T14:55:00.000-06:00

2011 came in quite subtle for me. Usually, I would set some goals, make some new resolutions, blah, blah, blah, but this year.....I simply let it happen. What I found was that without all the expectations I place on myself, letting life happen turned out to be one of the best ways for me to start this year, this month, this day. I actually gave myself permission to let those things go and simply approach each day as new.....it's been really liberating, to say the least. Now, I wish I could say I am on top of the world and such but no......I am blessed though. Blessed is good, really, really, good, :)

Without the whine...and cheese, I have been struggling with the crud, a cold, or something, and haven't felt great. It seems to have found a way to completely zap my energy and for 5 weeks now it has gotten old, as old as the penicillin growing in my fridge. I have been collaging through it, writing through it (in my journal), but I haven't felt up to sharing, at least not on the web. I won't apologize for not posting though because I am a firm believer that if your ability or your spirit doesn't lead you to something, then don't go. So I have stayed, alone with my thoughts, my art, my ideas, and the quiet time has been calming. My friends though, have been such a wonderful layer of support and entertainment, which I am most grateful for.

So, today, despite the sky covering us in a cold and gloomy mood, I am choosing to begin a new painting, work on some collages, and take the time to breathe in God, and breath out, everything else. For me, for today, it's what I need, and taking care of me is all too important these days. My prayers, my thoughts, my smiles throughout the days have been with you all and I hope it finds you well. May you too, take some time, to renew yourself in which ever way seems best! Hopefully......art might just fit in some too!

Here is step one of the new piece I am working on. It's a slow process.....may even have to call this one, "Patience."

Step one, transfers from a Biology text, when the paper layer is removed

Spreading Christmas Cheer!

2010-12-12T14:09:00.000-06:00

Collage a Day Series

As I sit here typing, peering out the window between the sunflakes, I see the power of the wind and how it seems to make nature dance with reckless abandon. At times, I hear a limb knock the house, reminding me that even the trees like to say hello on occasion. Overall, despite the cold, today I am surrounded by beauty and I am most grateful. Holidays are a mixed blessing for me. I love them....and I loathe them.

There are reasons I do both, and I would not be true to myself if I simply marched through the holidays with a perky face. In fact, there are moments I could completely channel Scrooge in all his glory. But, they are few, thankfully, and I work hard at breathing through these days, counting my blessings, and choosing to be content despite feelings. That can be hard.....the contentment, but it's a work in progress, sometimes in five minute increments.

Art is a gift in my life. My ability to create it, but most of all share it, is precious to me. The friends I have met in the art world are the ornaments on my tree you could say, each one unique and brilliant. So, I find myself in a mood to spread some Christmas cheer with you all. My Collage a Day series is coming along nicely. Much has been revealed to me about my passion for collage, my ideas about life, and my willingness to share with others through this series. Today, on my fanpage on Facebook, I decided to ask my fans to share a Christmas memory on my post, and at 4pm, I will be giving a collage away. To me, that's what Christmas is all about, the giving, the sharing of love with others. Hopefully, whoever receives it will pay it forward as well.

For those of you who find these days a struggle, my thoughts are with you, and my prayers. As the wind blows today, I pray it blows blessings, positive change, and health your way as well.

My Gratitude List

2010-11-24T09:08:00.000-06:00

This is one of my collages from my Collage a Day series, You can read more about these here:Collage A Day

Well folks, I had a blog written for today.....had worked about an hour on it, all filled with gratitude and fru fru fluffy stuff for the holidays, but......after I walked away before hitting publish and came back to it....I HATED IT. It was strange, because I pretty much feel that HATE is one of those words I choose to use only on special occasions.....but there it is....I HATED IT. Here, you get the one I was meant to write.....the one I LOVE!

In this moment, regardless of what chaos surrounds me,
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!
In this moment, regardless of my self doubt, I choose to
FEEL LOVED.
In this moment, regardless of my pain,
JOY TRUMPS IT!
In this moment, regardless of my fears,
GRATITUDE CREATES CALM!

And because I know the edgier side of my personality longs for some face time:

Life is short - make another pile! (That's a nod for all of you, like me, who have piles around your house that seem to be growing their own personalities and becoming family members)

Happy Thanksgiving dear ones.....I LOVE YOU, love your support, love your comments, love the fact that little ol me is able to share my art with all of you! ((((((((Turkey Hugs))))))))))))

St. Louis Cathedral in N. O., see my entire Landmark Series HERE

The Birth of Art(ology)

2010-11-09T11:53:00.001-06:00

Art(ology) Gallery and Gifts 306 Dauphin Street

I often find it amazing how opportunity comes knocking at the door when it's least expected. Many times this has happened in my life, but because my health has been fragile, I had to watch those opportunities come and go. This past month was no different, except the winds of opportunity blew in and I was able to take them for a magical carpet ride you could say.....with the birth of Art(ology) Inc. William Chesser, who I never had the privileged to meet, but know he was so loved, created the Chesser Gallery at 306 Dauphin that seemed to have a unique spirit about it. Though the space went through a few transitions over the years, and after the Paper Wasp closed, I just felt in my bones it needed to stay a gallery, and be true to the spirit that William placed there.

Now, starting a gallery had been a concept I had thought about a lot, but I knew there was no way physically I could pull that off. I knew that because of my spine and joint problems, I could not open and run a gallery by myself, it just wasn't possible. So, I started considering other options. I had always hoped there would be a gallery in town that had a funky, eclectic vibe to it, and that it would be a co-op. The beauty of a co-op is that several artists with common goals join forces and help one another. It's in the bond of friendship and common goals that co-ops exist and are successful. I had been part of the Cathedral Square Gallery co-op for many years, and as much as I loved it, I just knew a lot of my art didn't quite fit there. So, I started putting the word out to find a small group of artists that wanted to take a risk and start one. I also put a ton of prayer into the idea, trusting that God would open the doors and bring together the right group of people. He did, and the birth of this little gallery on the square is cause for celebration.

Art(ology) Inc. has a unique feel to it. It's not a traditional gallery with only paintings by certain artists in specific places. Rather, the decision was made to approach this as more of a gallery/gift shop, because we felt strongly about several things. One, our downtown area has a lack of nice gift shops available for tourists and those who work downtown. Inside Up is a little gem on Beinville Square, and there are many galleries, but it just seemed that there was a lack of fine craft and gift shops available for the tourist/general market. Two, we felt that an emphasis on smaller, more affordable art was important, especially due to our economy and tourist needs. And three, we knew that a funky, eclectic type of spot would be a nice addition to Cathedral Square.

This Friday night, the 12th, is Art(ology)'s grand opening during LODA Artwalk. It's an opportunity to celebrate with the artists, their friends and families, and welcome this new gallery to the heart of the downtown art market. I invite you to come out and share this opening with us. For me, it's because of a love for art, but mostly community, that gives me great motivation to paint through my pain on a daily basis. I relish in the thought of celebrating that accomplishment with many of you who have been so supportive of my efforts, and those I am passionate about. And, I want to make sure and thank the other artists, Gail Rancier Wilson, Marsha Sutton, Claire Noojin, Terri Keller, and Michelle Foreman Leech for working so hard to get us open. What beautiful teamwork we all have. Thanks, as well, to my wonderful son and and husband who made this possible for us....for you both I am forever grateful.

www.artologyinc.com and we are also on Facebook - Art(ology) Inc.

For the Love of All Living Things - Postcards From the Gulf

2010-10-16T19:10:00.000-05:00

As an artist, I get bombarded with charities wanting me to donate an original piece of artwork for worthy causes. As much as I would love to donate to each one, it simply isn't possible so I pick and choose those I am most passionate about, like the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and The Alabama Children's Hospital. In light of the terrible events this past April when the oil spill devastated our coast line and natural habitats, my artist friend Val Webb decided to start an art event called Postcards for the Gulf. All of the proceeds will go to help clean the animals most affected by the oil spill, and that is one group in need that I was more than happy to paint for.

It was difficult at first, trying to narrow down exactly the perfect subject to paint on only a 4" by 6" postcard. I mulled over it, thought about which living beings I most loved, and repeatedly I was drawn to the Damsel Fly. I have always been fascinated by them and Dragon Flies, because of their beautiful, iridescent colors, but more so because they simply seem like such gentle beings, flitting here and there and adding only beauty to this planet. The thought of one of them lighting on a reed covered in oil gave me the chills and I prayed that these tiny, lovely winged insects would be safe from harm.

And, as I often do, I had to combine the art of writing with the art of painting. My piece is a mixed media collaboration of acrylic, ink, collage, and watercolor. The photo doesn't do a whole lot of justice to the iridescence of the piece, but it is close enough. Nov. 14 during LODA Artwalk this, along with dozens more will be sold for $50 a piece. They will go on sale this Tuesday from the Postcards From the Gulf website as well.

I wanted to thank Val for putting together such a wonderful art project that will make such a difference. The prayer on my card states this:

May we once again strive to be PROTECTORS of the natural world around us and may the sheer beauty and value of life in every living thing become more important than man's need to please himself.

I thank God for the beauty of our planet and pray daily for its protection.

I Love Making a Collage a Day!

2010-10-11T21:32:00.000-05:00

http://ardithscollage.blogspot.com/2010/09/my-collage-day-journey-has-started-join.html

Many friends of mine actually work towards creating a painting a day, which after much attempts at it, I found hard to get done. Yes, I do paint often, but actually painting every day was difficult and I began to marvel at their fortitude in getting it done. Then comes along a fellow artist who for the past several years has made a COLLAGE A DAY! Yep folks, cut and past every day, and that blew me away. Not because of the creativity factor, but because as we collage lovers know, it's messy and totally can take over your house. Randal Plowman was managing to create one every day, which meant he had to be uber organized or something.....and I foamed at the mouth in envy.

This got me thinking....could I do it....should I do it.....so I tried it, without telling anyone, to prove to myself that I would be able to stick with it before I announced to the world that I was making a collage a day. Guess what?....I LOVE IT! Yes, I had to get super organized and have a plan, but the timing of it all seemed to fall into place. Not only did I enjoy starting the day with a quiet meditation, to talk with the big guy upstairs, but I decided to combine it with my collage making and then blog about each one. So, my blog, Ardith's Collage a Day was born and I did I tell you.....I LOVE IT?

Because of my back and neck issues, painting or creating anything big is really difficult. Each collage a day is only a 4" by 4" so that tiny size makes it much easier on my pain level. I also have realized how much more creative I am in my other work, because being disciplined about making one a day has enhanced my creativity. What's more, I love, love, love to combine art and writing, you all know that, so blogging about each one makes that the perfect marriage. Here are a few of my collages with links to their blogs. If you know a few of your friends who are blog followers, feel free to share, I love the feedback from you folks.

BEST OF ALL......if you become a follower of this blog, my daily collage blog, or my Found Baby blog....I will send you a coupon worth 25% off any piece of original art! How cool is that???? Because you are a huge part of what keeps me going!

Living and artistic life is a choice....seek out the beauty in yours, :)


It's All About the Five Minute Walk


Be Still and Know

Fearless Bricolage Bird

Art at the Murray House

2010-09-26T10:32:00.002-05:00

Annette and Jami Buck

A fellow artist and friend, Connie Hozvicka, wrote a blog the other day about what it means to hit the big time as an artist. The thought perplexed me. For months I have tossed that concept around, chewed on it, tip toed around it, and occasionally given it up for dead. Alas, it would never leave me, and then I read a blog about the exact same thing and I knew, like I was breathing, that it was something I must come to grips with. Some greater force in this crazy artistic world knew I needed an answer to that big time question so I threw in the towel and decided to really pin my thoughts down about it. During the pinning, I was invited to go cut and paste with some ladies in their 80's and 90's, and I oh, so couldn't pass that up......idea on hold yet again.

The Murray House is a retirement center in the heart of Mobile on lovely Dauphin Street. I have passed it many times, but never had the opportunity to visit, until Jami Buck rang my phone and invited me. Her dear friend Annette Simmons, who is sister to a dear friend of mine, Mary Beth Culp, lives there and Jami had thought the idea of doing an art class at the center would be grand. I was thrilled and suggested we do an art party for Annette, work with collage, and we both got excited. Now, we knew the ladies would be in their upper years, some of them artists in their earlier days, but we actually had no idea, other than Annette, who we would play with. I say play because art is always play to me, or it should be at least.

When we arrived, we had met our four ladies, which turned to six, which turned to seven, which ended up at nine! And, rather than freak out, we rolled with the punches, shared supplies, and had a lovely time with these ladies. They all, well into their 80's and 90's still had their wits about them, were quite hilarious to be honest, and had a come back for every joke we threw at them. They loved the color palettes we worked with and some of the images brought back happy memories for them, of pets, and family, and things they didn't like. They told a bit about their occupations, Flora Mary was an elementary school principal at Mary B. Austin and Annette, who was an occupational therapist for children, was also an artist. It was just a great experience sharing art with them and here is why....

That hitting the big time question came full circle to me during this event. With total clarity, at least for me, I realized that hitting the big time as an artist was in this moment. It wasn't about being 'discovered', selling a piece for a ton of money, getting into what some would say is 'the best' gallery. It also wasn't about me getting my name out there or about me trying to network or sell my art. All of that, which is necessary for a professional artist, is trivial to me really. What means the most, what tells me that I have hit the big time as an artist was the look on Lurlee's face when she clapped, and with teary eyes, said, " This is so much fun, I had so much fun." Yes folks, clap your hands, I have hit it big!

Thanks Jami for this photo, love it!

After we left, we learned that many of those women were the movers and shakers of their time in Mobile. Mary Abbey Berg, who now has a senior center named after her, was not thrilled at the temperature, but she was pleased with her finished piece, especially the use of the word "fearless." I hope and pray that when I am their age I still feel fearless and am able to create art in some capacity. But more than that, it would mean the world to me if I am in a place like the Murray House, to have some young, whipper snapper artists like me and Jami show up with paper, scissors, glue, and paint ready to make art.

Annette added the phrase "Don't Be Afraid" to her collage

Ms. Sullivan was a hoot, kept us on our toes.

Their finished pieces, which I think are beautiful!

Flora Mary thought out of the box, loved her!

Can you tell they were loving this?

Annette's finished collage

Mary Abby Berg's finished collage

I have seen with my own eyes how our elderly folks are forgotten and it's heartbreaking. The Murray House seems full of love and it's clear that they have families who visit and love them, which is rare for so many their age. If you are an artist, I hope you would consider hitting the big time with me and volunteer at a senior center. We will be there one day won't we?

Collage Tuesdays Start Back!

2010-09-20T17:59:00.000-05:00

Yippie! Collage Tuesdays have returned for the next seven weeks and this line up looks to be great fun! Unlike the last six weeks, the focus this go round will be on working on projects together, step by step, with pre-selected materials. That way, I take the stress out of deciding what to make and help you concentrate on the techniques. You will get a workshop kit each class, and by the end of the evening, you will be leaving with a finished work of art! How cool is that?

Classes will be tentatively as follows:
9/21 Tinting Photos and Mixed Media (You will learn how to tint black and white photographs with watercolor paints, use torn paper and ephemera layers, combine text and distress your canvas.) 8" by 8" canvas on board

9/28 Box Board Tags...You're It! - Tags are all the rage these days! You will use rubber stamps, ephemera, layered papers, and text to create unique tags for special occasions and holidays. At the end of the class, you will leave with five tags, Christmas, Birthday, Wedding, Thinking of you, and a personalized one. You will also take 5 box board tags home to customize later.

10/05 Trash Divas - you will learn how to use painted and torn newsprint, along with painted and patterned paper to create you own, one of a kind, diva.

10/12 - Found Poetry Collage - You will learn how to use found poetry using magazine articles or text from vintage children's books to create a translucent, layered collage in a single color palette.

10/12 and 10/19
Art Journal I and II- You will learn how to use box board to construct a hand made journal. This class is in two parts. Part one, we will measure, cut, gesso, construct, and create our book and cover. Part two, we will use various mixed media techniques to create several art journal pages, discover great online resources and forums for art journals, and delve into the book, Collage Lab. For anyone who ever wanted to begin an art journal, this class will be perfect for you!

10/26 Angels Among Us - With Christmas season around the corner you will learn how to create a luminous collage with angels. I will show you how to use text, acrylics, and layers as well as photograph your collage for publishing as a Christmas card if you chose. You will leave with your collage and your image on disc, suitable for printing.

Each class is $25. If you choose to attend one, then you will not need supplies. If you are interested in all 7, then the cost is $20/class, $140 total, payable up front the first night and you will want to purchase a round tip brush and your own Mod Podge in matte or gloss for home use.

Looking forward to cutting and pasting with you, :) Ardith

21 Secrets - Best Art Journal Workshop EVER!

2010-09-19T13:14:00.000-05:00

Every now and then an opportunity comes along that can't be missed, not for all the candy corn in October! 21 Secrets - An Art Journal Playground is being offered by Dirty Footprint Studios, which is home to one of my all time favorite inspirational artists.

If you are an art journal artist, one who MUST, I mean MUST, express yourself artistically through an art journal and are looking for new ideas and inspirations then this workshop is the pot of gold at the end of your rainbow friend. 21 cutting edge artists, many of whom have been showcased in Somerset Studio, which I believe is like the holy grail for artists like us, will be teaching a workshop. That means, you get 21 different workshops, how cool is that? Three of my favorites, which honestly, they are all pretty great, are Connie Hozvicka, Hanna Andersson, and Lis Hoffman.

Now, you know how much I love mail art don't you? Lis Hoffman, author of the blog, Dandelion Seeds and Dreams, will be teaching about altering postcards as part of your journal entries. Her blog is lovely, and I could spend many moments reading and daydreaming there.

Can't tell you how many friends have sent me the link to Hanna Andersson, author of iHanna's blog She is by far the queen of all things mixed media I believe. Got tissue paper, don't we all? She will teach techniques about how to use tissue paper as textures, layers, and basically everything in between, so looking forward to that one!

And....the host of 21 Secrets, Connie Hozvicka, artist extraordinaire at Dirty Footprint Studios, is here to teach how to get those elusive ideas that swim around in our heads at night onto paper, you know the ones.....that drive us crazy because we are afraid to go there. Yep, she teaches how to be Fearless, that in a nutshell is enough to sign me up...period.

Those are just three of my favorites, but there are 18 more, holy cow moly! You can read about all 21 HERE and get the juicy details about this workshop. Sign up begins tomorrow, the 20th. And why am I shamelessly promoting a workshop I am not teaching? Oh that's easy, because I believe this one is the "#1 Workshop NOT to miss!" out of all of them. And, on a more exciting note, this blog enters me into the drawing to get this workshop for free, along with one of you, so I am all in for sharing the love friends, cross your fingers!

The Beautiful Mobile Alabama!

2010-09-14T18:08:00.003-05:00

Bienville Square Fountain

Mobile, Alabama has got to be one of the most lovely cities I have ever seen. As a child, all I remember about it was lots and lots of pine straw, nettles that gave me a rash, the humidity, and dirt. Most likely that stemmed from growing up in the country rather than the city, but as I grew older I began to notice the quiet beauty of our town, especially spring when the azaleas and hydrangeas were blooming. When I decided to turn my interests to art, I marveled at the landmark paintings done by other artists because I had never noticed how beautiful our city really was, until I saw it through their eyes. I began to take a closer look at our town, especially the landmarks that were important to me and quickly realized that I had missed out on appreciating Mobile for what it has to offer, and decided it was time to honor it with my own paintings.

Thank goodness I had taken lots of photographs in my day because I needed them as references for each landmark. I guess there was part of me that found Mobile's images captivating, so I ruffled through several and decided that Bienville Fountain would be a must, along with the Cathedral. Bienville Square is home to our fountain, which is actually home to many folks who love to enjoy a tasty meal under the canopy of the oaks. Often, there is live music at the square and always someone or something interesting to look at. Not to mention quite friendly squirrels and many years ago a most unusual fire hydrant. It is considered part of the heart of downtown, and a big heart it has.

Bienville Square Fire Hydrant

The Cathedral is a grand church, with glistening, gold crossed tops that overlooks Cathedral Square and its patrons. Lots of art happenings goes on at the square because Space 301, The Mobile Arts Council, and The Paper Wasp all call the square home. The Spot of Tea rests in between them, is quite famous for its strawberry tea, and tourists and locals alike seem to congregate in the square, all in the protective shadows of the Cathedral.

The Cathedral at the Square

View From Space 301

Wintzell's is a famous restaurant on Dauphin Street, right across the street from the Cathedral Square Gallery where you can see these paintings, is known for offering some of the best oysters found in the South. While you eat, you can spend time conversing with friends, or simply reading the thousands of iconic sayings on the wall amidst the pictures of famous folks who had graced the place. Ben Franklin would have been proud. The Bike Shop, or Dauphin Street Taqueria, is a local bar/eatery with an authentic, double-decked bus parked right outside. If the bus isn't enough to peek your interest, then the fish tacos must. Hands down, best fish tacos I have ever eaten.

The Bike Shop on Dauphin

It's Miller Time at Wintzell's

When it comes to quaint stops, Bienville Books and the Haunted Book Loft has got to be top on the list. My favorite bookstore of all time, offers vintage and hard to find books at prices you wouldn't believe if I told you. They also offer this wonderful t-shirt that says, "I Read Dead People," which makes me laugh every time I see it.

Bienville Books on Dauphin at Royal

So far, I have about 15 pieces in my series with plans to finish it up with 30 paintings showcasing the unique beauty and attractions our city has to offer. My next blog will focus on the beautiful Spring Hill College campus which is near and dear to our family's heart. Until then, if you have friends looking to visit Mobile, share this blog with them. I have included several links they might find helpful. You can view all of my landmark paintings HERE and you can purchase prints of them through my Ardithian Arts Etsy Shop. Mobile, a beautiful city where you hardly ever meet a stranger. Just ask Henry, King of Clark's Gas Station.

Henry, King of Clark's Station

September 11th A Black Letter Day

2010-09-11T09:42:00.003-05:00

Twin Tanks, Twin Towers watercolor/mixed media

I woke up this morning with the memory of the events of September 11th fresh on my mind and found it a melancholic way to wake. Not sure if I dreamed about it or if the media coverage had simply saturated my psyche, but it was on my mind and heart. This past week I chose to paint an image that I have loved dearly for many years, and am now quiet fond of.

In 1999, I was fortunate enough to go to New York to be on the teacher's advisory panel for Scholastic. Our meetings were held at the top of one of their buildings and I found myself wishing I could stand on their rooftop indefinitely, because the view was simply amazing. I had my camera with me, the kind that had the panoramic mode which took wide photos, so the clicking began and I came home with two photos of the New York skyline. At the time, I didn't realize how meaningful they would be, and honestly, I wish they were simply shots of the city, not shots of a skyline that is no more. Nevertheless, I came home, filed the pictures away, and regarded my only visit to New York quite fondly.

September 11th, 2001 was a red letter day for the entire world, or should I say a black one. I was teaching 3rd grade at Collier Elementary, and the word began to spread through the halls. Those of us who had televisions could only turn them on with the mute button because we were asked not to tell the students about it until we knew more. Mute was more than enough because those images screamed with more pain and emotion than any commentator could have ever shared. My student teacher at time explained to me that his mother lived a block away from the towers, and his face paled.

I told him to go and make some phone calls, which he did, but he returned with no news and chose to continue teaching despite the fears I knew were racing through his head. I felt it was a testament of faith and courage on his part. It took three days before he learned the fate of his mother. Three days of not knowing, praying, hoping, but not knowing. Three days in the midst of our countries darkest hours. His mother did make it out, but the fear of all that ensued after that day was palpable and the days that followed were simply dark.

I often wonder about the families that lost loved ones that day. I often wonder about the sheer number of losses we suffered. According to New York Magazine, here are a few of those numbers:

The initial numbers are indelible: 8:46 a.m. and 9:02 a.m. Time the burning towers stood: 56 minutes and 102 minutes. Time they took to fall: 12 seconds. From there, they ripple out.

Total number killed in attacks (official figure as of 9/5/02): 2,819
Number of firefighters and paramedics killed: 343
Number of NYPD officers: 23
Number of Port Authority police officers: 37
Number of WTC companies that lost people: 60
Number of employees who died in Tower One: 1,402
Number of employees who died in Tower Two: 614
Number of employees lost at Cantor Fitzgerald: 658
Number of U.S. troops killed in Operation Enduring Freedom: 22
Number of nations whose citizens were killed in attacks: 115
Ratio of men to women who died: 3:1
Age of the greatest number who died: between 35 and 39
Bodies found "intact": 289
Body parts found: 19,858
Number of families who got no remains: 1,717
Estimated units of blood donated to the New York Blood Center: 36,000
Total units of donated blood actually used: 258
Number of people who lost a spouse or partner in the attacks: 1,609
Estimated number of children who lost a parent: 3,051
Percentage of Americans who knew someone hurt or killed in the attacks: 20
FDNY retirements, January–July 2001: 274
FDNY retirements, January–July 2002: 661
Number of firefighters on leave for respiratory problems by January 2002: 300
Number of funerals attended by Rudy Giuliani in 2001: 200
Number of FDNY vehicles destroyed: 98
Tons of debris removed from site: 1,506,124
Days fires continued to burn after the attack: 99
Jobs lost in New York owing to the attacks: 146,100
Days the New York Stock Exchange was closed: 6
Point drop in the Dow Jones industrial average when the NYSE reopened: 684.81
Days after 9/11 that the U.S. began bombing Afghanistan: 26
Total number of hate crimes reported to the Council on American-Islamic Relations nationwide since 9/11: 1,714
Economic loss to New York in month following the attacks: $105 billion
Estimated cost of cleanup: $600 million
Total FEMA money spent on the emergency: $970 million
Estimated amount donated to 9/11 charities: $1.4 billion
Estimated amount of insurance paid worldwide related to 9/11: $40.2 billion
Estimated amount of money needed to overhaul lower-Manhattan subways: $7.5 billion
Amount of money recently granted by U.S. government to overhaul lower-Manhattan subways: $4.55 billion
Estimated amount of money raised for funds dedicated to NYPD and FDNY families: $500 million
Percentage of total charity money raised going to FDNY and NYPD families: 25
Average benefit already received by each FDNY and NYPD widow: $1 million
Percentage increase in law-school applications from 2001 to 2002: 17.9
Percentage increase in Peace Corps applications from 2001 to 2002: 40
Percentage increase in CIA applications from 2001 to 2002: 50
Number of songs Clear Channel Radio considered "inappropriate" to play after 9/11: 150
Number of mentions of 9/11 at the Oscars: 26
Apartments in lower Manhattan eligible for asbestos cleanup: 30,000
Number of apartments whose residents have requested cleanup and testing: 4,110
Number of Americans who changed their 2001 holiday-travel plans from plane to train or car: 1.4 million
Estimated number of New Yorkers suffering from post-traumatic-stress disorder as a result of 9/11: 422,000

They are humbling to me. My life changed, along with so many others around the world. But for each of the numbers above, there is a life that was altered in ways that I can't fathom because I am blessed to be where I am. I remember the gas lines, the grocery stores having empty shelves, the images played over and over and over. But what I never experienced was the terror of hearing, of receiving the news that my loved one was gone. Gives me chills just thinking about it.

I recalled the photograph I took back in 1999 and realized the importance of the image, at least for me. And as I began my landmark series I knew that would be the first that I would paint. It was my way of simply honoring the lives, the loss, the heroes, and our way of life. That painting is at the top of this page and a few others, from Mobile, are below. The New York one is the only one not from Mobile in the series. I plan on spending some time today praying for all those families who find waking up on this day to be one they would rather sleep through. May God be with them and you.

Bienville Square Fountain in Mobile, watercolor/mixed media


St. Joseph's at Spring Hill College, Mobile, Al.

You can see all of the images in my Landmark Series here.

How Do You Start Your Day?

2010-09-02T10:40:00.000-05:00

Biological clocks fascinate me a bit. It doesn't matter how tired I am, at 7am my internal clock goes off with a bing and a bang! I could lay there and fight it, but it does me no good. Rolling out of bed to brew the cup of Joe that I have only come to appreciate in this last year, is a pattern I have found myself in, and can I share a secret? I LOVE it!

Not the coffee, that is more of a 'like', but the routine, of waking, seeing a new day with all its possibilities, and embracing it thoughtfully, quietly, makes my spirit content. Often I pray, often I read through my art journal, often I write down my thoughts, but ALWAYS I breathe. I breathe deeply and slowly. I breathe in God and out everything else. I breathe in courage and out fear. I breathe in peace and out drama. I breathe in the love I have for my hubs and family, and breathe out love into the world. And then I step forward into my day.

So tell me....how do you start yours?

And as always, I must include art into my day so this morning, after all my breathing and drinking Joe, the beauty of the ivy that surrounded me made me think. God must love green, in fact, I wonder if it's his favorite color. But, it's not mine, and I couldn't leave well enough alone. A wild hair got the better of me and I chose to give one green leaf a little "personality". Even bugs and critters and birds need a little art in their world too, so I gave them some. May your day be filled with beauty today, even in the darkest moments.

Can Art Change the World?

2010-08-31T09:07:00.000-05:00

I was recently interviewed by Art is Moving and they asked me this question: Is art moving and can it change the world? My answer was this:

"If it's not then I don't know what is and yes....it changes the world every moment of every day. When an artistic idea is born, the world is changed. When it is shared, an energy is created around us and we move and interact within it. Socially, humans interpret the world differently, but within the same context of being artistically natured. Nature itself is art, and as nature evolves, so do we and how we respond to it. Art is so varied, as we all are, but within that variety we share much of the same urges and desires to express ourselves....and art is a natural form of that expression. I may not love, agree with, or find certain forms of art appealing, and some may even be offensive to my personal sensibilities, but as an artist, I can appreciate them for being created and adding to the beautiful collective conscience we all share. It's the sharing that's the key in my opinion. As art is shared, opinions are formed, they develop into beliefs, and the beliefs are then acted upon. It's a lovely system to be a part of, simplistically complicated, but aren't we all?"

I woke up this morning thinking again about that question, reading over my answer, and realizing I was quite content with it. I wouldn't take anything away, but I will share an addition, or should I say, a passion of mine, related to it.

Over the past 9 years I have had the beautiful experience of watching art transform me into the person I am today. When I had to give up teaching, I felt my world had collapsed on itself, and it took me a long time to crawl out from under that belief. Art was something I enjoyed, so I turned to it in hopes that I could find some sanity while my body began to heal. Little did I know that it would become a way of life for me. I had no clue that it would awaken the spirit of creativity within me, I simply thought I would spend some time painting or drawing to take my mind off of the medical nightmares I was living through. And, I am grateful to God that he chose to use art to help heal all those parts of me that were so dark, and there were many.

Living in the light is the way I would prefer to label my days now, and art has been a channel for that light to shine in me and through me. My passion, my dream, is to be able to use that creativity to touch others, to show them that no matter where they are on their journey, that art can be used to make that journey more beautiful. I can't bring myself to simply be an artist for profit. So, in the context of can art change the world: Yes, one person at a time. And when one shares their creativity, their inspiration with another, it lights a fire that can't be extinguished. I hope in my lifetime my actions cause the world to be ablaze with it.

Here are few new pieces I have been working on. I love, love, love it when art tells a story. Shakespeare wrote the play, "Much Ado About Nothing" which I found beautiful and hilarious. I chose that text as my background in this mixed media piece, "Beatrice Pulled A Fast One," because her sharp wit was so fresh and entertaining throughout the play.

Because I am of course, obsessed with doll parts, LOL, I worked with some unconventional doll forms in photography. I would have loved to share this with a class of students and had them write about these "Fruit Beings" and their adventures.

(All Images copyright of the artist)

Baking Edgar and ATC Musings

2010-08-28T18:33:00.000-05:00

I baked Edgar. Yes, dear, sweet Edgar, protector of prayers, spreader of joy, one hot looking, studly dude...I baked him. Actually, it was for his own good because had I not thrown him in that super hot oven, he would have smeared his comb over, and we just couldn't have that now, could we?

Edgar is one of my Ardithian creations using a bottle I found buried in a dump pile and polymer clay. I decided he needed to be a prayer protector, so the prayer he protects says this: "May you days be filled with love and joy always." I think Edgar will do a perfect job making sure that prayer gets to the big guy upstairs, I mean, come on....who would wound a soul like Edgar?

Alas....I have also bitten the ATC apple of obsession. Actually, until I move some of my larger pieces, I decided to work on some smaller themes and play around with ideas. Art Trading Cards and mail art are two perfect ways to do that. My most favorite format is 4" by 4", but ATC's are always 2.5" by 3.5", or playing card sized, and those aren't too bad to alter. Several of my friends are into inchies, and although I have prepared some for paper, that tiny size is a bit too hard to work with when my neck has to look down so often so I may just leave the inchies to them.

It's the beginning of September and I am forced, yes, forced to be thinking about what items I need to prepare for my Christmas show. I now understand why we see holiday items in stores so early, which I really dread, but from a retail sense I get it now. Lots going on in the art world in Mobile these days which is a wonderful thing. I plan on sharing some local events and local artist on my blog in the next few weeks. If you know of an artist that wants some 'media coverage', and not the MSNBC kind, shoot me an email.

Until then, Edgar and I are going to have a conversation about his friends, or lack there of, and I plan on introducing him to Found Baby. I think she might just find his comb over quite appealing, LOL!

An Artist's Path Is Most Often Not Straight

2010-08-15T15:51:00.000-05:00

Being asked the question "How long have you been an artist?" always gives me pause. I assume, most of the time, they are asking how long I have been an artist that is trying to sell my work, but the most honest answer to that question would be my entire life. It' a bit of a conundrum I say. What makes one an artist?

Swimming through the world of art can at times feel like one is treading water, diving off the deep end, and at others, being eaten by piranhas. Don't get me wrong, I love the entire experience, swimming, not swimming, skinny dipping, LOL! But the art world can be cold, cruel, and at times, unwelcoming to those who 'aspire' to be artists, and I feel that is a bruise on the butt of it, just saying.

Some of us pop right out of the womb with one hand in a jar of Play-doh, instinctively artistic, and as we journey through life that path my not lead to an art degree. Does that mean we can't claim to be artists? No.

That simply means our path followed a different course, but led to a common destination, one of being in a place where we are folks who create art. Create is the key word to me. Creating art, for what ever reason, repeatedly is a behavior I would say gives us the right to be called 'artists.' Notice I didn't say Master artists, but artists none the less, joining a collective consciousness with other artists who do the same.

And, like most professions, there are levels of expertise and experience that makes one more successful, but as the art world is weird, a mere marsupial can place a paw in paint, walk across a piece of paper, and have it noticed. Then....that paper goes on a sells for thousands of dollars. The conundrum goes on, because placing value on art is and always will be subjective.

Thank God I haven't bought into the premise that I must sell to be an artist. Personally, I choose to be an artist to express myself, my faith, and share my creative gifts along with way to make our world more beautiful than I found it. If I am lucky enough to sell a piece, then woooohoooo! and I consider that a blessing, but it's not what makes me an artist. If I create, then artist I am.

Here is a video I made of how my art journey evolved since my childhood. I am self-taught, and I hope you might choose to share it with your kids so that they, too, can walk through this life believing in themselves, their creative talents, and the hope that all things are possible.

My Art Journey Video

Be Your Art and share it with others, give those piranha's something to chew on!

Just When You Think You're In A Groove......

2010-08-08T21:30:00.000-05:00

The Exquisite Corpse Doll Game photo from Terri Keller and I .

I'm in a melancholic mood these days. Not because my life is challenging, all life is I think, but I had a harsh reminder of that dark, brooding, sinister shadow that lurks around all the time. No, not a Chinese Bandit like my husband use to make me laugh at, but the painful reminder that my body has issues, and ignoring them is not an option. For a while, a totally, blessed while, I was able to function a bit better, which meant it didn't take a ton of meds to get out of bed and I didn't' have to spend 15 min. doing things and 15 min. resting, which is pretty normal course for me, all day long. I actually had a taste of what life was like many moons ago and it was lovely.....until the other day. Until I simply woke up and had that cruel reminder, almost like an evil puppet master pulling my strings, remind me that my body, or let's clear that up, back, is the royal pits sometimes.

I often wonder what people think sometimes when they hear that I am 'disabled.' That term has such loaded meanings for some, and misconceptions I might add. No, I was not given the journey that some have to be blind, to be cognitively impaired, or to be bound to a wheel chair every moment of every day, and I am most grateful. My course in life, the course that put me on disability, was to have a joint/spine disease that at first glance seems hidden, or on many days, no where to be seen. But that's the cruelness of it to me, that on any given day my legs can go out, the pain in my spine will be so excruciating that Morphine won't touch it, and that the pressure in my neck becomes so intense I can't see. And though I walk with a cane, I wonder, because I don't 'look' like what most would label a disabled person to be, if people judge me harshly or wrongly, by simple false perceptions?

Thankfully, I don't live my life to fit other people's standards, and on melancholic days, I stay true to myself by taking it slowly, resting, doing what I can, and waiting for it to pass, all the while praying through the moments, because it is my faith that pulls me out of days like this. I am grateful to have such a creative mind too. A mind that sees the beauty in practically everyone, finds colors intoxicating, is thrilled at making a difference in the life of a child, and loves intensely. And though it could always, always be worse, I am blessed through every moment of pain or not, to know I have this mind and the choice to use it. That to me is precious. I am not one to be still either, almost to a fault, and strive every day to leave the world a better place than I found it for no other reason than it being the right thing to do.

So Prussian Blue and Peach Black day of mine be what you may. Tomorrow holds the potential to be one drenched in Opera and Manganese Sunsets, and for that I hold my heart to the fire in hopes it happens. Seems like I needed to vent a bit, those times are needed aren't they? Glad to know that my fans who know me, know what kind of person I am, aren't the ones that question the character of a person without knowing them. Oh if we all were that true and honest to mankind.

On the art side of life, which is all sides really, LOL, I was able to go to Jami Buck's art show and am thrilled at the painting of Dauphin Island we will be getting. Her work has an honest emotion about it that is rare to find in many pieces lining the walls of galleries these days. Got some wonderful ladies coming over to collage with me, have been swapping some hilarious Exquisite Corpse Dolls through the mail, added to some 1001 Journals, sent some mail art flying, and with my hubs help, have the beginning of a functional, working studio beginning to evolve. To an artist, that is better than Christmas morning! Would love to know what is going on in your world.....drop me a line.

Doodling in my Wackadoodle Art Journal

Lovely Ladies on Collage Mondays

I've Converted My Mom To A Collage Artist

2010-07-29T16:59:00.000-05:00

I have often heard it said that I am just like my mother. There have been times I looked at the other person with the "What?" expression and then there are those times that I have said, gladly, "Yep" and proud of it. This is one of those times, but things are a bit backwards, she is a lot like me. You see, my mom has been turned on by the allure and addiction of collage. Not a bad thing at all, within reason, but one that makes me laugh out loud because I know my mother. I know her creativity runs wild like mine, her enthusiasm for a new project is contagious like mine, and.....like me, she can lose complete tracks of time in her own "creative world" just like me.

She came over the other day so that we could work on her Goddess of Cut Paper collage. Of course, she didn't approach it in the conventional way, it's not in her nature, or mine, LOL! so we put our heads together and brought it to fruition. She is most proud of it and so am I. You see, it's not often one gets to paint with their mother, or do collage, or chill out and just play with their mother, so the time that we spent doing this meant way more to me than the finished piece, but for her first, it is quite lovely.

I can remember as a kid always having art supplies handy and one Christmas we made handmade ornaments for our tree. Not just a few, but an entire tree's worth of ornaments, with burgundy velvet, gold trim, and lots of other blingy stuff. I will never forget that 'arts and crafts' time and our tree.....well....it was a sight to behold. Let it be safe to assume that the creative gene, the one that keeps my brain ticking, came wildly packaged from my mother to me, and thank God for it. Here is her masterpiece, made of collage, fabric, paint, and assembled pieces. Way to go mom!

Mail Art - Have You Tried It?

2010-07-28T16:41:00.000-05:00

When is the last time you received a letter in the mail that was hand written? Chances are, a long time ago. In an age where technology seems to have us with a choke hold the fine art of letter writing is quickly becoming a past time. I had thought past times were for 5 cent Coca-Cola's or penny candy from the corner store. I never dreamed that I would actually see letter writing come so close to extinction in my life time, but it seems it has a lot in common with oily birds these days.

Being a member of the Letter Writer's Alliance really opened my eyes to the beauty of the handwritten letter so I made it a challenge to myself to send at least one hand written letter or post card out each week. I joined Postcrossings, which is an international group of folks who swap post cards from around the world and I joined several other letter writer groups. But, being an artist, I found myself wanting to incorporate my love of art into the mail, so mail art became a major part of my letter writing activities these days. If you Google "Mail Art," you can see hundreds of examples of letters, sent through the mail, that are actual works of arts. They are quite fascinating. Because I am a collage artist, I actively sought out other artists who participated in mail art and have now begun swapping actual works of art, with letters inside, through the mail. It is pretty fabulous I must say!

So, I thought Mail Art would be a wonderful lesson to add to my collage class and next week we will get our hands busy creating, not only letters, but beautiful ones at that. Here are some ideas to consider if you are thinking about a mail art project for yourself or your children.

1. First, decide who you are going to mail your letter to and write the letter. Don't type it, actually pen the words yourself.

2. If you are going to add mail art, consider what type of art you love to do or art they would love to receive. Do they have a favorite color?

Do You?

Do you love abstract, or funny cards, or do you love to simply draw?

3. Choose a theme for your mail art, such as holidays, spiritual, sports, gardening, and design your envelope to fit that theme.

4. Decorate both sides if you choose, just be sure to leave a clear space for your addresses and stamps.

5. Collage Mail Art can be created using cut out images from magazines, ephemera, patterned or painted paper, or by using rubber stamps.

6. Sometimes, simply the addition of one simple image, like a flower or a bird, can turn an ordinary white envelope into a work of art.

Regular white craft glue is great to use for collage, just make sure you glue the edges really well so the automated machines doesn't rip them.

Postcards can be sent in the U.S by the Post Office for 28 cents, up to a 4" by 6". If it's larger, you need to use a regular stamp. International postcards cost 98 cents to mail.

Here are some images from mail art that I have made using collage and colored pencils:

If you have a love for letter writing and mail art there are several groups on Facebook and the internet you can join to swap mail art with folks all over the world. Most all of them usually have one primary rule to follow: If someone is kind enough to send you a mail art card or letter, it's always customary to send one in return. I want to challenge you to write at least one letter in the next week, even if it's just a few lines, and consider turning your envelope into mail art. You might be surprised what ends up landing in your own mail box as well!

It's Official, I Have Become A Paper Arts Pimp!

2010-07-24T17:26:00.002-05:00

It's official, I'm a collage/mixed media addict. There is no getting past a thrift store without scrounging around the book aisle. There is no visiting a junk/antique store without leaving filthy, loaded up with old, crusty, full of illustrations, books and magazines. There is no visiting Bienville Books without feeling like it's crack for the collage artist. But most of all, there is no table space to be found in my house, without some type of magazine, paint, paper, glue, or work in progress sprawled out everywhere and paper clippings have become our new carpet. I am beside myself with joy and my dear, sweet hubs has begun to suggest a paper arts rehab program.

And, I must admit, that I am quite guilty of spreading my disease to my parents home, my friend's houses, and my fellow artists bag of tricks. Yes, I am a full, fledged paper arts pimp, that finds her Facebook fanpage and kitchen table much more accommodating than the sketchy street corner. So, to be true to my craft, my disease, my "can't look at a book or magazine the normal way, every again" mantra, I share with you here some of the products of this affliction. I do warn you though, these images may be hazardous to your health. They are known to cause one to stare, and study, and get tantalizing ideas for their own paper arts obsessions, so be fore warned.

Here are two mixed media pieces from my Rejection Letter Series. I found an old collection of letters from the early 50's, from a writer here in Mobile, who was rejected time and time again. I am using those letters to create these vignettes, which are 4" by 12", in a series of 15.

I laughed all the way through this piece, "A Royal Flush". As soon as I saw the toilet and paper I knew I had to create this. The only problem was trying to limit my ideas so it wasn't too crowded. I may work this into a "Toilet Bowl Series", which would be pretty hysterical but oh, what fun it would be!

Textures on paper are fascinating to me. I decided to play around with some different types, including painted paper and textured wall paper. What started out as a beach house, turned into a work involving architecture, textures, humor, and a profound point that not all neighbors are welcome, hence the expressions on the boys faces. "The New Neighbors" is 11" by 14", collage on paper.

My version of "The Ardithian Alice" came about thanks to my inner child. I love, love, love creating whimsical characters that tell a story and celebrating the release of Alice in Wonderland, in my own way, was tons of fun. This is 12" by 12", mixed media on canvas.

Ah, my first attempt at photo transfer and heirloom collage. These are two images of my parents, young in all their glory, and some ephemera from my childhood. The Red Cross letter was sent to my dad in Vietnam telling him of my birth. The map of Hawaii was from their second honeymoon and the little girl is me of course. I won't explain all the details but heirloom collage is something I plan on doing a lot more of.

This strange little guy is what I call my Exquisite Corpse Doll Project. I start with a head and torso, tape over a section of it, and mail it to an unsuspecting paper addict like myself. They have to add a body part(s), cover up a bit of theirs, and send it back, for a series of four trips through the mail. When all is said and done, I get back a completed Exquisite Corpse, surreal and whimsical, just like the game was meant to be. I will post a separate blog when he is finished.

The Exquisite Corpse Night

2010-07-16T17:09:00.002-05:00

(Me in my "Work of Art" art shirt at Exquisite Corpse Night)

When I first was starting out in collage I remember reading an article about the concept called, "Exquisite Corpse", and was fascinated. Andre' Breton, a Surrealist, and a group of other artists decided to start a parlor game, just for fun, by writing phrases on a piece of paper, concealing part of the phrase, and passing it to the next player so they could add to it. At the end of the round, the sentences were shared and they found great humor and appreciation in the fact that they made little to no sense. It was quite thought provoking to them. Eventually they added the use of graphite and began by drawing a head, then the other players would add body parts, but they never saw the completed image until the very end, adding to it's "enigmatic, conceptual nature."

Here is a link, The Exquisite Corpse , to their group with pictures of the first works from The Exquisite Corpse game. There are some interesting passages to read, to understand the insight into Breton's mind, along with the other Surrealist of that time. I gave this game and concept a good amount of thought after beginning my collage class and chose to try it out with a group of fellow artists that had similar skills, tastes, and senses of humor, because I knew we would all need one. So I, along with Holly Carrigan, Mary Elizabeth Kimbrough, Wayne McNeil, McLeod Turner, Vikki Turner Finch, Lydia Host, and Jami Buck.

Because I wanted to do this game in collage I knew it would take a lot of pieces and preparation, so I asked the other artists to come prepared with a 'head' and an idea for a background. I think by the time we all got together we decided the best course of action would be to wing it and so we did. Although, to be true to the original Exquisite Corpse concept, we would have needed to not see the previous piece of work, we opted for randomly swapping each piece per round. Next time we will add the challenge of keeping each round concealed and I look forward to that added challenge.

So, after 5 rounds of swapping, cutting, pasting, painting, eating, and laughing our heads off the final pieces were actually quite wonderful. For me, it really wasn't the finished piece that proved the event was successful, it was the whole process, especially the sharing and friendship that made the night unforgettable. Here are our finished Exquisite Corpses, dressed in their grandeur! Now that we have begun this adventure I can't wait to see what our "collective minds" come up with for the next EC! Stay tuned.

Ardithian, Wackadoodle Art Journal and Picking My Brain!

2010-07-06T10:48:00.002-05:00

If you are a fellow artist or journal lover, then you know the excitement I felt when I opened my handmade journal for the first time, almost like a kid in a candy store with NO ADULTS IN SIGHT! Ahhhhhhhh, I kind of touched it for a while, felt the pages, and breathed deeply because I knew this was no ordinary journal. You see, I have been a journal divorcee just about my entire life. What does this mean......well, I love the thought of journals, I would get a new one and launch myself into it, only to.....peter out and divorce it after a month or so. Sadly, I have various and random petered out and divorced journals all over the place and it made me stop and look at my pattern. Why did I peter out with them? What's the deal with inconsistency? Should I cut them up and glue them into one just to make me feel better? LOLOLOLOL

UNTIL.......I was surfing Youtube and came across this video. Dirty Footprint Studios Drowning In Blue Art Journal
Needless to say I had to pick my mouth up off the floor several times because I knew, I just knew I had finally found the type of journal my soul had longed for, the one I could be committed and married to for like life, and I also knew exactly where that journal was, because I had eyed it with great envy at Hobby Lobby for the longest time. A handmade, watercolor journal, with my name on it sat on their shelves and in this moment, it called my name.

THEN.... of course, I went and got it. Gessoed several pages just like Connie Hozvicka suggested, and sat with excitement watching the paint dry. Minutes ticked by, ok, gesso takes a while to dry so I cheated and got the blow dryer out, then.....started with the inside cover with watercolor and allowed it to evolve from there. Here are the pics of my first entry. I chose the sun, a full of bling and color sun, because I believe we must all walk toward the light in our lives. For me, God is that light, but the sun, the created light here, surrounding me, is a gift he gave me and I choose to wrap myself in as much of it as I can.

The second page, well that is pretty much just me being me, and of course I had to add my Ardithian spin on it along with my five finger toe shoes, which are my fave shoes of all time.
I also chose to add a heartfelt thanks, on my first entry, to my dear, sweet hubs, because without his patience and love, I wouldn't have the freedom to create, be a fruitcake at heart, or paint, so to you Bill....thank you and I love, love, love U!

Where am I heading with this one????? Time will tell but I know this like I am breathing, this journal will be one I can show the grandkids, and the neighbors, and my fans many moons down the road. Wanna join me?

My fabulous artist friend tagged me in a blog with some intriguing questions, which I shall list and answer here. Might give all of you a little more insight into ME, which on one hand I would say I would be shy to share, but on the other, I have a blog.....duh......shy doesn't equate with online sharing, LOL!

1. If your life was a sitcom, who would you cast as yourself and your most important co-stars?

This is easy, take Raymond's sense of humor, put it on a body dressed in Betsy Johnson's fabulous clothes, must have rainbow colored hair by the way, working in a psyche ward as an art therapist. Surrounded by, of course, all folks who are thought to be "crazy" but in actuality, really know the secrets to life and share them freely, between meds of course, bahahhahahha. My most important co-stars would be the geeky guy from The Big Bang, because his intellect makes me want to bust a gut with laughter, which is oh, so important in my line of work. And.......Frazier Crane as my own, personal therapist. Last but not least, the British lady priest on PBS, can't think of the name of her show, but I love her character!

2. Outdoor concerts: Yay or Nay? And why?
Yes, been to see Bob Dylan outdoors, which, sad to say was my only outdoors concert ever attended in 42 years. I have often wanted to go to Bonaroo, but my health and funds make that all but impossible. Would love to catch Jimmy Buffett and Will Kimbrough this weekend, but the Ticketmaster Puppets cut my strings.

3. If you could learn one new skill tomorrow and be absolutely awesome at it, what would it be and why?

Forensic Scientist. I have always, yes always, been fascinated by the human anatomy and skeletal system. Now the blood, I could do without that, but the actual study of the parts and structure would completely mesmerize me to no end. Hopefully, if I was really awesome at it, I could get be a physical engineer as well, and design spine replacements that function better than our own and last a lifetime.

4. What would your name have been if you were born the opposite gender?

I have never really been told that, but considering how strange and beautiful my name is, and the fact that people mistake me for a man all the time, hello catalog printers!!!!!!, I guess it would have been Ardith Lee instead of Ardith Lynn.

5. Uhoh! It's karaoke time. What do you sing?
Somewhere Over the Rainbow......of course

6. What's your guilty pleasure?
Orange Circus Peanuts, Charleston Chews, Cadbury Cream Eggs, foot massages, and by all means, sitting on the deck of a hut in Tahiti, toes dangling in the cosmic, icy blue water, the smell of coconuts in my hair, my sweet hubs beside me, but......haven't had that one yet......and I say yet.

7. #1 on the bucket list?
Oh geeze! The million dollar question.......but I am only going to share my number 2, not number one. Finally get my children's book finished, then published, then sell......

8. Best thing you ever ate?

Easiest question for me, my grandmother's chicken and dumplings

Thanks MEK for thinking about me. Go out into this day friends and find the beauty in it, even through pain, or sorrow, the beauty is there to be found, and to comfort!

In Tribute of Michael Dahl Jr.

2010-07-02T20:33:00.001-05:00

When the phone rang some time ago and I saw the California area code, I knew who it was, and my heart sunk a little bit. Not because I didn't want to talk to this person, but I knew the conversation would be one of heart break and courage, and I prayed I was up for it. Last year I painted the Soldier's Cross of Courage and blogged about the process. Part of that process was honoring the soldier who had died the day the cross was created, Michael Dahl Jr., and this phone call was from his mother. A mother whom I had never met or talked with, but one who loved her son deeply and wanted to say thank you.

Michael was the only soldier to die that day and after much prayer I knew it was in his honor that I used my artistic gifts to give a humble, simple thank you to him, and to all our service men and women who sacrifice so much so that I might live freely. This weekend is July 4th, Independence Day, and I find it quite beautiful that after a year of not being able to contact this family, and through the wise counsel of my mom, they contacted me. I had always wondered what Michael was like. My son is 19 and as I looked at him, I couldn't imagine what it would have been like to lose him. Patricia Dahl spent a good while sharing the story of her beautiful son with me, and here, I share a little bit of his story with you.

Michael was a Christian who loved God with his whole heart. She told me how he kept his electronic bible with him and he would seek out church services to attend. He was two weeks from coming home when an IED damaged the tank he was driving. Patricia told me how great of a son he was, that he had the opportunity to thank her for being a great mom, and was looking forward to coming home, with his best friend, and attending a Laker's game. His younger brother adored him and to me, he sounded like a really phenomenal human being, which made my heart hurt because of such an enormous loss this was.

After we talked for a while and exchanged our addresses I promised her I would send her a copy of the cross. I then went and read about his memorial service in his town of Beaumont, Ca. and it became quite clear how much he was loved and will be missed. Being an artist is rewarding in many ways, but I must say, this experience, to me, is what sharing our gifts with the world is all about. I could have been painting sea oats or magnolia leaves that day but I chose to listen to my heart instead. I'm grateful I did. Of course, I would have much rather learned about Michael for different reasons, but I trust the link where our paths crossed and know God will use it.

I still find it strange that in our day to day lives it is so easy to be unaware, or apathetic, towards the loss of life in the wars abroad because it doesn't touch us personally. I challenge you on this Independence Day weekend to find a soldier, learn about him, honor him, and really discuss what it means to live in an independent country. I will never look at the flag again without thinking about Michael, or the lives who were lost from the day our country drew its first breath. I will never watch the fireworks on July 4th without seeing past the beauty of them and not understanding the sacrifices so many make for me to sit and enjoy them either.

I love our country. I don't love war or the losses that happen because of them, but I understand the necessity of some of them. If I were a mother that lost a child due to the war, it would mean the world to me to know that he wasn't forgotten and didn't serve in vain. Thank you God for guiding my gifts to make a difference in one person's life. May I never take that gift for granted or forget what it means to be able to do what I love.

Here is the link to one of Micheal's memorial articles and the picture of the Soldier's Cross of Courage. If you feel led, please share Micheal's story.

Michael Dahl Jrs. Memorial Article

And here is the link to the original blog about the cross from last year:

The Soldier's Cross of Courage

Happy Fourth of July to you and your loved ones!

Ardith

Turning To Art For A Bit Of Sanity

2010-06-17T09:47:00.000-05:00

Sanity is a pretty precious commodity in my world, how about yours? I often wonder how much more challenging or weird life can get, and then I turn the T.V. on, and a graphic dose of reality slams me in the gut, which quickly makes me know how 'normal' my life truly is, compared to most. But, as any creative person knows, normal is no state of mind that lends itself to being artistically productive, so finding that fine line between normal and funkatatively weird is my goal each morning. Often though, I fall a bit short, feeling like a sane life is simply a cruel oxymoron wrapped up in clothes stitched with 'normal' threads, and I am left wondering where the balance is.

Art plays a huge role in my world in helping me find that balance. It seems lately that images of despair, hopelessness, anger, and death are all around us. Really???? Turn the boob toob on and think "oil", enough said about that. So in the interim, in those brief little moments that my psyche needs to stay 'sane', I turn to art, a God given gift which I am grateful for.

Art surrounds me, at least that's how I perceive the world, through art lenses you could say. On days I get really down, or am having to deal with a pain crisis, I choose to watch the sunlight flicker through the colored glass bottles along the window seal, or grab my color crayons and add a page to my prayer journal. My prayer journal is a new thing for me. Not the prayer or the journal part, but the art part. I find that drawing through my prayers helps calm my mind, keeps me focused, and gives me a much more open channel than simply talking to God. In fact, I find that he talks to me a lot more through my art than in my head, and I am really cool with that.

I have also spent quite a lot of time lately praying for the animals in our Gulf. The oily pictures shown on the media networks are hard to look at. I find myself sometimes being ambivalent or apathetic to be perfectly honest, but when my heart kicks in and lets a tiny bit of that reality hit home, I cringe at the horror of it all. So, I have started spending the moments that Bill and I spend glued to the evening news as art time. Using my watercolors and ink, I paint images of the unique animal life in our Gulf in 3" miniatures. I kind of like to think it's my way of feeling sane and embracing all things lovely that are in harms way at least.

The Green Room is another venue that I chose to participate in to help the Gulf through art. It's an art show focusing on the beautiful flora and fauna of our Gulf region and all the artwork is up for auction. Part of the proceeds go the Mobile Baykeeper and The Mobile Arts Council. I donated my part to Mobile Baykeeper as well. My piece, "The Mermaid Angel Prayer", shares a prayer for the animals affected, in a whimsical sort of way. The least I could do is use my art, my gift, to give back to those innocent beings we share this planet with. You can visit the Mobile Arts Council up until the 25th to place a bid, and I encourage any and all to bid with their hearts and love for all things earthly and beautiful.

Sanity, or the perception of it, comes and goes around here. But one thing I know like I am breathing is this: No matter what craziness, tragedy, or heart break I face, God has given me art to use as a way to cope with it all, and that makes my life beautiful. If you are struggling with understanding all this craziness that surrounds you, I would encourage you to try and work through it with art. You don't need to be an artist, you simply need to grab a pencil, some crayons, or some paint, and work through your feelings on paper. It's much healthier than some other vices, and you just might be surprised with how much more 'sane' you feel afterwords, if only for a brief respite.

Here is the mermaid painting, along with two of the 3" miniatures of the Gulf animals. (Yes, pink dolphins do exist, they are actually very rare albino dolphins.)

May beauty surround you today, and my you have the eyes and heart to see it! ((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

Fight the Oil Spill with Art

2010-06-02T15:45:00.001-05:00

What a month this has been! The news about the oil spill was jaw dropping and day by day it seems to get worse. Some days, I didn't know if I could bear to watch the news or not, and others kept my eyes glued to the tube. It's hard for me to believe that the lack of oversight and actions by a few could cause such a catastrophe but they did. I shouldn't be surprised should I? Minute by minute my emotions change from anger, to deep sadness, to WTH and I am sure most of my friends and family feel the same way.

Yesterday, oil made it's way to Dauphin Island and Gulf Shores. Those are two places I hold near and dear. As a child, my grandfather and uncles worked tirelessly to build a cabin off of Fort Morgan and our entire family spent the summers there. If I close my eyes I can recall walking in the blistering hot sand as we unpacked the car. No one could play until that car was unloaded. The dunes stood almost higher than our houses and we had tons of fun rolling down them. In the evening, the big guys would take a net out and pull it in and we were able to pick through the bounty the Gulf provided. Those were the days, some of my most precious moments as a child.

Dauphin Island is also precious to me. When I first started dating Bill almost 14 years ago our second date was at Bright Waters. He had a beach house on the West End that faced the Gulf and I can remember like it was yesterday when I pulled up and saw Brandon picking oyster shells in the driveway and little Katie running around like a water fairy. Most of our weekends were spent there when it wasn't rented and it was a magical place, for family, for taking in the beauty of the island, and I miss it terribly. Sadly, Hurricane Ivan took the house, and before we could rebuild, Hurricane Katrina took the lot, so our time at Dauphin Island ended, which left a deep hole in our hearts.

As we watched the oil spill, the enormous plumes gushing out of the pipe, and took in the new, "oil forecast", we quickly realized that life along the coast was going to change for a long time. Friends from up north seemed concerned, but until you have visited the Gulf I fear one just can't comprehend the beauty of it, and the loss of it. As an artist, it is difficult to sit by feeling helpless, in fact, I can't stand that. So, many artist are coming together to do what we do best, PAINT!

Several auctions will be hosted between here and Pensacola in the coming weeks. The first one I am participating in will be at the Mobile Arts Council here in Mobile. "The Green Room" is an auction celebrating the mission of The Mobile Baykeepers. That organization works so hard in keeping our coast, bay, and watershed clean and the animals protected. Proceeds will be split between them, Mobile Arts Council and the artist, but I just may donate my share as well.

Here is the painting I am donating for it, "Mermaid Angel Prayer." I love mermaids, and I thought turning one into an angel for the animals would be swell. There is a poem around the edge, it goes like this:

Mermaid Angel sent from Heaven,
listen to her prayer,
a prayer for all the creatures,
in the ocean, land, and air.

Protect them from the harm
that is around them everywhere,
from human greed and actions
causing harm with needless care.

Protect them one,
Protect them all,
these creatures great and small.

It's a simple poem but one that I feel has a powerful message between the lines. My heart is breaking. I am holding close to my faith during these times, praying for a miracle, but it seems that the actions of man are too damaging to reverse and I can only imagine God's heart is breaking as well. I will encourage all of you to find some way for your gifts to help the cause of protecting our coast. It sure is better than sitting by and waiting for the sky to fall, or shall I say, the black wave to roll in!

Swapping My Art Story For A Cake - Brilliant!

2010-05-03T15:32:00.000-05:00

Facebook can open doors unexpectedly, I am slowly figuring out, some worth walking through, and some worth running away from like your life depended on it. Thankfully, the door which led to the cake was well worth stepping through. You see, a few weeks ago a friend and fellow artist/teacher, Mary Elizabeth Kimbrough put out a call on FB for an artist to come speak to her art students at Bishop State and the payoff was a cake. I jumped toward the cake with pure excitement!

What I didn't realize, of course, was that she needed someone to give a 50 minute talk, so this would be no ordinary show up and answer a few art questions/mingle thing. I actually had to share a picture of my art journey as a presentation and that at first gave me great pause, cake or not. The teacher in me had no problem talking to groups, in fact, I missed that experience quite a bit, but that was sharing information about academic topics, not about me, my art, my beliefs, my story, and the personal nature of this was daunting.....at first.

As I began to ponder what I would talk about, what these students needed to hear, and what part of my journey I would NOT talk about I realized I needed to know where it got started, my art path that is, and built it from there. Luckily, being the collector and pack rat that I am, I was able to dig up some art samples as far back as third grade, and proceeded to create a movie about how my art developed from childhood and eventually led to a full time art career. The walk down memory lane was beautiful and priceless, and I quickly learned that this experience was as much for my benefit as it was for those students or MEK, and I was grateful.

Now, if you have ever been asked to give a presentation then you know things don't always go as planned, and this day was no different. There was a hibernation issue with the computer, a once in a blue moon fire alarm, and a rather warm upstairs. But, we just rolled with the punches and despite the interruptions, I felt it went pretty well.

The students at Bishop reminded me so much of some of the students I had taught at younger ages. They were from all walks of life, some challenging more than others, but they seemed attentive and engaged in what I had to share. I chose to present my journey as one from a person who, despite life throwing me medical and emotional curves, made the best of what I was given. I knew I was an imaginative, creative child, but I was no art prodigy. I simply took the gift of creativity, and after going on disability, used it well, and am proud of that.

After the presentation I went to lunch with MEK and we were able to get to know each other a bit better, which was another high lite of my day. Mary is studying for her PhD and by the way her students responded to her, I believe she is already a master educator, let alone artist. Her collages are bright, beautifully colored, but layered with meaning and background around a theme she is studying. It was her artwork that drew me to her on FB, and I am thankful that her artwork has now led to a friendship. I am surrounded by wonderful artists in my life and feel that is one way God shows me favor. They are some of the most intelligent, creative, and loving beings I know, and I am honored to know so many. After sharing with MEK's class, I said a little thank you prayer to the big guy upstairs.

To me, art inspires all of us one way or the other, and I was able to inspire a few new folks with my simple story of being a creative, passionate person. I felt right at home that day, surrounded by students, by a fellow artist, by crazy interruptions, but most of all, by a common belief that art and life are beautiful and meant to be shared. That to me is the icing on top of the cake~!

MEK writes a blog where she shares her vast knowledge of art history, love of family, and beautiful artwork with the world. I encourage you to stop by and check it out.
http://mekonline.blogspot.com/2010/04/thank-you.html

Here is one of her latest pieces of artwork as well:

And, here is the link to the movie I created and shared with her students. It's 18 minutes long, filled with relaxing, peaceful music and some interesting art, so I hope some of you will spend some time checking it out and let me know what you think.
Peace Friends, Ardith
http://www.photodex.com/sharing/viewshow?fl=3186943&alb=0

Why I am choosing to write about dolls I found buried for years.

2010-03-24T16:08:00.002-05:00

I had no idea how much a simple walk in the woods would change my artistic calendar, but change it did. I had simply gone out to visit the 42 acres we own, to see what my hubs had been up to and accidentally walked up on Found Baby. She was buried in the ground, the same ground that Bill had been working on clearing the past few days, but he never saw her. After pulling her out of the ground, and then photographing her, the images seemed to draw not only me in, but many people and friends who saw them on Facebook. I also realized that she was 49 years old, made in 1961, and that just added more to the mystery of how exactly she came to be here, under our feet.

I had to think about that for a while. I had to really consider what or who it was she represented, by her haunting images. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever believe that a doll could actually have a voice, but Found Baby does, simply by how she looks, and the emotions she invokes in people when they see her. Getting past her creepy looks was part of the process for me. I first thought she was creepy like most who saw her, until I looked past her physical features and imagined what could have happened to cause her to go from looking like a princess to looking like she does now. Some journey must have taken place, so the idea for her blog was born.

I also can't negate the fact that I myself relate to her a good bit. Many things about my history are similar to her fictional one, at least metaphorically speaking, so getting under the skin of this doll wasn't too hard for my creative brain. What I didn't expect was to find other dolls, that for some reason, they just kept showing up on our property, and that was strange too. Several days ago after I had been out at Dulcinea, which is what we call our property, I specifically wasn't looking for any more dolls. Found Baby had caused quite a stir in our household, so I was in "dump digging time out," LOL. As I was walking past the pile, after it had rained, a tiny, peach colored foot was sticking straight up out of the ground, like it was waving to get my attention. When I dug that doll up, its body was shaped like it had been running for its life, which cracked me up. Later, I found its head and just like Found Baby, it was creepy at first. Found Friend has similar hair and skin issues, except its skin and face seemed scorched, but not melted, and is 46 years old. Go figure, doll #2, found under strange circumstances.

And then yesterday, after I had just told Bill that I doubted there was anything further to find, and if there was, it would find a way of showing itself, Bill walked past a tree and his foot landed on yet another baby, buried half way with its head exposed. This poor thing only had a head and ambulatory arms past it's neck, but when I searched for a pic of it, I found that it was really Little Miss Echo, a doll that repeated everything you say, and was made in 1966. So the oddity and creepiness continued, but the impact Found Baby has had on people hasn't.

I don't know where the journey of Found Baby will take us. Artistically, I am challenged to find new ways to photograph her, and that is exciting to me. I am also challenged as a writer to develop her story in a way that advocates for victims of abuse, suffering, or neglect, and that is a huge challenge also, within the context of her being a fictional character. As she evolves, it is clear she has more than one voice, and each just as powerful as the other I believe.

Then there is the God component in this story that I find intriguing. I don't believe in coincidences. As weird as it sounds, I believe it was no accident that these dolls were found when they were, and how they were. I believe God might have had a hand in helping me look down in that moment, to see a little doll buried for the past 30 some odd years. I believe he can use my creativity as a message of hope, togetherness, and ultimately that love will prevail to reach some people and I pray my beliefs here are right. I guess in the long run we will see.

If you have read Found Baby's blog, thank you, and would you please consider sharing her link and story with others. There is power in a message of survival, and I feel there are many out there who need to be exposed to hope. If you are totally creeped out by her, that's perfectly fine too. It won't hurt my feelings one bit, but I encourage you to read her blog, from the beginning and it just might change your lenses on how you see her. Yes, this whole experience is a bit strange, but it has such great potential to be a unique work of art. I pray I am up for the challenge.

This is how I found Found Baby.

This is how I saw Found Friend before I dug her up.

This is the third doll Bill Found, Little Miss Echo.

To see all of Found Baby's and her friends images, you can visit my fan page on Facebook, The Artwork of Ardith Goodwin, and see her album.

Kandinsky's "Murnau Street with Women" Art Gown

2010-03-12T13:56:00.004-06:00

Black Light Image

Day Light Image

Do you ever sit down and think about the date and then wonder, where did the time go? I am having one of those moments as I type this, where on earth has the time gone?
For me, it has flown by with minutes of extreme happiness, insanity, confusion, illness, and in between all of that lots of paint and lovin! One of the projects I worked on the past few weeks was the Artgown project for Blue Velvet Studios.

Karen Cassidy, the owner of Blue Velvet, came up with the unique idea of asking local artists to paint a wedding gown like a famous painting or painter. The idea was intriguing to me so I jumped at the chance and chose to paint Kandinsky's "Murnau Street with Women" for several reasons. He is my favorite, way favorite of all time, and this painting is full of color, which speaks to me. It would also be part of a black light show so the combination of painting a dress, with tons of color, like Kandinsky, that glows in the dark, was to good to pass up!

I had no idea how physically challenging it would be. My niece, Savannah, helped me block out the design and initial color which was a huge help. At the end of day one though, both our necks were in bad shape so I knew this would be a project to take in baby steps over weeks, not days. As the design took shape, I kept getting more and more excited!

Along with the physical challenge I had to take a crash course in black light painting. I had always assumed fluorescent and glow in the dark paint where equal. WRONG! I knew this gown had to illuminate under black lights, but I also had to figure out how to be true to the painting and still have this piece come alive with darkness.

In the end, I painted it so it does both. It illuminates under black light and when all the lights are off, in pitch black, it gently glows like the stars, which is way cool. Adding textile medium was a must, but even so, due to the amount of the paint that polyester and rayon soak up, it ended up being a bit stiff, but not hard.

Tonight, during Artwalk at Blue Velvet Studios on Dauphin St., this dress along with many other paintings will be on display for their one night only black light show. Next month, during the Arts Alive Festival April 9-11, it will be part of the artgown fashion show, where up to 20 different artgowns can be seen, all painted by local artists.

As a visual artist it is easy to get used to painting on paper or canvas, but I would encourage anyone of you to step out of your comfort zone and find a community art project to participate in such as this. Below are some pics, beginning with Kandinsky's painting, and then the dress. I will add some shots from the show tomorrow as well. You can also view the entire album on my FB fanpage, you can see the link over to the right of this page.(Pictures at the top are of the actual show!)

The Cross for Koinonia

2010-01-16T15:13:00.000-06:00

Almost a year ago my life was at a turning point, a really difficult one. My dear friend Monica reached out to me and invited me to the Koinonia womens conference her church was sponsoring. In one brief, difficult moment, I acted on faith and went. I had no clue what path that would set me on spiritually, physically, or emotionally, all I knew is I was getting away to the beach for the weekend and would be surrounded by lots of women who loved God and each other. The details of that weekend can be found in a post from last February, what is important here is the spirit of koinonia, the spirit of fellowship that I found there that helped bring me back to sanity.

Monica asked me to consider painting a cross for this years conference and I instantly knew I would do it, that it was a God thing. Problem is, I really didn't know what that word meant, or how to pronounce it very well. I had no clue that most of my life had been filled with moments of koinonia, but as I began to pray about it and study the word those moments came flashing back vividly, and I knew I had lived a life surrounded by the love of God and the love of friends.

"Koinonia" in Greek, means communion or fellowship in simple terms. It actually has many deeper meanings and applications, but the foundation of its meaning comes from the act of communion with Christ, and through him, with others. All my life when I was with groups of friends, at church, or surrounded by others who prayed and fellowshipped I was experiencing koinonia with them, and God was with us.

Part of how I create my crosses and angels is that I begin to have a conversation with God about their purpose. From there, the image begins to build in my heart and mind and I research the important details that must be expressed in each one. This cross was no different.

A few months ago I started studying this term and praying about the nature of God and what its meaning means to me. I came across a reference to koinonia that expressed its relation to the phrase, "one another" in the bible, and that stuck with me. I truly believe the nature of God is that he chooses to share his love and grace with me on a daily basis, so that I can share it with those I meet and encounter. That concept may be simple, but it's message is purely koinona, the one of sharing our lives with Christ and with others. The passages in the bible having to do with the "one anothers" are pretty simple too. This list, along with the passages, was made so you could grasp the connection of what it shares in common with koinonia.

A powerful example of what koinonia should look like can be found in a study of the phrase “one another” in the Bible. Scripture commands us to be devoted to one another (Romans 12:10), honor one another (Romans 12:10), live in harmony with one another (Romans 12:16; 1 Peter 3:8), accept one another (Romans 15:7), serve one another in love (Galatians 5:13), be kind and compassionate to one another (Ephesians 4:32), admonish one another (Colossians 3:16), encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11; Hebrews 3:13), spur one another on toward love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24), offer hospitality (1 Peter 4:9), and love one another (1 Peter 1:22; 1 John 3:11; 3:23; 4:7; 4:11-12). That is what true biblical koinonia should look like.
http://www.gotquestions.org/koinonia.html

Once I had the understanding of what this word meant, how it applied to me, and how God wanted me to apply it to a painting I got to work. The cross is the central form, with the heart at it's center, symbolizing the heart of Christ and the love we share for him and for one another. The words 'One Another' cover the cross, because that love is meant to be shared, not kept for oneself. The rays of the sun are symbolic of the light that Christ shines in this world, and when we carry his love with us, his light shines through us as well. The people are together, in communion with Christ and one another. I thought about having them interacting with one another but I thought the posture of prayer was a binding act that Christians share while they commune together. The road is simply that, the one we walk down but are never alone. It leads us into opportunities to share God's love with a world in need. The hill that the cross is standing on has 20 hearts enclosed, one for each time the word 'koinonia' is used in the bible and it is surrounded by Malachi 3:16, the verse that shows the terms true meaning.
Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name.
Malachi 3:16

The color green is pretty significant to me, it represents life. Life he gave to us, and life that is precious, as each of us are. This painting is meant to give an image to what it means to commune or fellowship with Christ and one another. It also has a very relevant meaning, at least for me, in light of what has happened in Haita.

During the past few days, as I worked on it, I watched the news about the suffering in Haiti and was heartbroken. As the news and pictures played over and over on the screen the reporters began to interview survivors and this is what I heard several of them say, "Glory to God, for he saved me, thank you Jesus." I just smiled and knew, God is with them. And as I smiled the news changed and I heard lots of people singing. I looked at the t.v. and in awe, saw hundreds of Haitian women and children walking and singing in the street. Surrounded by devastation and death, they chose to rise up, gather together, and sing out for life! Pat Robertson may believe that those people have forsaken God, but I for one saw enough love, compassion, and gratitude for God to make me know Haitians are filled with it. CNN even has an interview of one Haitian girl saying, "I never stopped praying!"
God showed me, as I painted this cross, koinonia in action, and tears came to my eyes as I imagined the courage it took for those ladies to stand up for life.

My prayer for all who will see or receive this cross is this,
"May our God that is incapable of anything but his very best toward you, share the spirit of koinonia with you, so that you will be able to share it with others. May you be filled with love and compassion for one another, and may that love and compassion multiply throughout the Earth until every person that draws breathe will know it."

Turning a Page

2010-01-10T13:58:00.000-06:00

Pulling up to the gallery downtown I opened the car door and felt the sting of a cold winter day bite my cheeks and it made me feel alive and frigid all at the same time. That, it seems, is a metaphor for how I feel moving into a new year, of art, of health, and of life.

This past year was one of many changes to say the least. I won't go into the juicy details here, you can read my previous posts to catch up on all that has transpired, but I will give credit to a long year of growth, illness, triumphs, love, and much hilarity. I thank God for it all, but especially the hilarious parts, they are what keeps me sane.

Artistically speaking I have much to look forward to and to decide. I have always been one to paint what inspired me in the moment, out of sheer spontaneity, and there is something to be said for that freedom. It reminds me of a child who whimsically walks through life and follows his senses into a world with no compass, just being, and creating, and loving life. At some point though that child needs to grow a little, and gain more of a focus as to why certain colors inspire him, why certain textures feel better than others, and why certain forms of creativity just come easier than others. The questions must be asked and attempted to answer, and so I find myself at that point, going from chapter one into the next, with blank pages ahead of me.

I won't lie, it feels exciting, really almost to the point of giddiness at times, and I will go out on a limb and say I don't trust that. I like the way that feels, but due to many years of feeling comfortable in my skin, only to have the skin peeled off in layers, I always look for the other shoe to drop, or in my case the predictable chaos that usually follows me. I wouldn't know what to do with a year without that, one that goes 'as it should', and I don't know if it even exists, but I have to hope it does. I believe the big guy upstairs wants that as well, I just find that belief a challenge to hold on to sometimes.

So where will life take me? I hope it takes me down a road where doors are opened and I am able to pin down the children's book that has floated around in my head for years. I hope it takes me into an artistic place where the art I create really moves people to feel, to experience great emotion, and learn to love the beauty in life, despite what their world surrounds them with. I hope I continue to be bold enough to share my faith through my art, even when it is looked down upon by some and I hope that somehow I am able to make a difference in the lives of children, those that I hold most sacred on the planet we share.

I pray, no matter what is thrown at me, that I will continue to embrace joy, and insane optimism, which is no easy task. My family has always played a huge role in my ability to stay positive and I trust this year will be no different. And on a humorous note, I hope at least one painting this year will make someone burst into laughter, for no other reason than it reminded them of their childhood.

Save the world? No, not on my agenda. Save my spirit and share the love and gifts God has blessed me with with a beautiful world? That I can do. So follow me if you choose, as I turn the page and walk onto a blank canvas, then watch the colors start to flow and we will both see what masterpiece life has in store to paint! And better yet, paint your own and share it with me, that, friends, will make the true meaning of art come full circle for me and I would be honored to share it with you! Peace friends!

If you follow me on my fanpage at Facebook the you may have read that I am doing a study this year to compare master painters from different centuries. I have started with Jan van Eyck and Hans Holbein the Younger. If art history interests you look me up at The Artwork of Ardith Goodwin and join in on the discussion.

Here are a few pieces I created over the past years. Thank God for 2009, raise a glass in honor of it, and cheer on the one to come!

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree, The Saga Continues.....

2009-12-01T15:13:00.002-06:00

     I don't know if it is the dreary rain falling, the damp, cold blanket of air that weighs heavily on everything, or the fact that this tree business is in my craw, but today has been one of those red letter days where everything seems to be a mess!
   Several years ago I did what I thought was a grand thing and now, looking back on it, it was a complete idiotic thing to do, so I live with that crazy decision every Christmas. You see, I bought a "pre-lit" tree without asking my hubs. I have blogged about this tree saga for a couple of years because it's sad and hysterically funny how it has evolved into a Christmas tradition in the Goodwin household. I will fill my new readers in on a few old details and then catch you all up on how the saga unfolds today.
   We were always a real tree family you see. I loved the look, the smell, but I had had it with the cost of those trees year after year. So, after Christmas a few years back Linen's and Things had this gorgeous, 'pre-lit' tree 75% off, and on impulse I bought it. I was quite proud of my purchase but the look on my hubs face when I drug it out of my car was horror. I had not only broken a tradition we have always had, but I didn't call and run it past him, which is something we have always agreed we would do on big purchases. Without hashing it all up, I was in the dog house and couldn't take the tree back, so I packed it up and stored it for the next year.
   The first year we used it the tree was pretty fabulous, after the hard feelings had simmered over the past year. I lit my, 'smells like a Christmas tree candle', which by the way, NEVER smells as good as the real thing, but it was lovely nonetheless. Problems started after Christmas when it was time to take it apart. You see, the 'pre-lit' tree turned out not to be 'pre-lit' so when I couldn't store it like I had the past year, and needed to take it apart, it wouldn't come apart due to all the wires. The reality of what type of tree this was sunk in and I, with jeers from my family, began the tedious process of unstringing this tree. I would have rather had the first layer of my epidermis peeled off than to unstring that tree!

     Over the years, this process made a complete mess of the structure of the tree. I broke connection after connection and as it evolved I eventually had about half of a tree. I begged to get a real one, to go back to our tradition and admit defeat, but my sweet hubs, who as most of you know loves to turn trash to treasure, wouldn't hear of it. I was forced to get creative. It started with the use of fishing line, which on a few limbs still exists today. A year later I resorted to using duct tape. Last year, to my amazement, my cousin figured out how to snap the stems in without breaking the connections so it wasn't too bad. Regardless though, I was fed up with that tree so I drug it to the road for the trash. My hubs came home early, saw the carcass at the street, and said oh no, and drug it back in the house.
     For the past few weeks I knew it was coming, the dreaded piecing together of that tree. I honestly thought about not putting one up too. James had moved out and I went back and forth, to tree or not to tree, that was the question! Alas, the tree won out, along with several verbal family members saying it would be a travesty not to put one up, so I caved.
     This morning, I woke up to the dreariness of the day and started cleaning up a spot for that tree. We drug it from the shed into the house, and when pulling it out of the many bags it lived in, several new pieces fell off. I just shook my head and quietly said a few choice four letter words. The stem was rusted, the top was flat, overall it was a pretty sad tree. So, not to let the Grinch in me win out, I vowed to artistically piece this tree back together for one more year, and then, quietly pray that somehow the powers that be see fit for our Charlie Brown tree to break a leg, or a stem, or it's top off so the saga can end. Problem is, I wonder if any tree will ever be as memorable as this one. I think not, do you?

Here are the before pics. You can see the fishing line, the big hole in the side, the empty connections, and several lost limbs. It has now become a metaphor I feel for my life. A beautiful thing, with broken parts, wired and screwed back together, to shine brightly in a world that needs a few more bright spots than it already has. Stay tuned for the after, you will believe miracles exist when you see those. Happy Advent friends and early Christmas Holidays to you. May you find laughter in your hearts this season!

The pieces that 'should' be attached to the tree!

The connectors, all busted, and a sad piece of duct tape from last year.

The fishing line, enough said.

And here is the final version, taken in the dark, to hide all the "piccadillos" it has. The lights make it look endearing don't you think? I couldn't for the life of me post the pics in real light, they would make you break out in song singing, "Oh Tannenbaum, oh Tannenbaum," .....and fall over with a great big belly laugh! What I am thankful for is this; my sweet husband and son who insisted on helping me. They strung the lights, they hung the ornaments, they made me laugh, and we all looked at the finished tree with great pride, and all was well in the land......limp star and all. LOL! I won't for the life of me straighten it. Merry Christmas friends!

Teaching Children the Concept of 'Beauty'

2009-11-17T17:26:00.000-06:00

I have had the pleasure of working with kids through the past years either through tutoring or painting with them and even showing them that writing can actually be fun. Those moments are dear to me because I miss teaching kids a great deal. As a teacher, and I believe God calls certain people to that profession, having the opportunity to mold a child's understanding of the world around them is a humbling, grace filled opportunity that I hold sacred.

My cousin Fran has a daughter who has painted with me. I love painting with children, because it brings me back to my true gift, the one of teaching. Fran called me the other day and explained that Lilly had to paint for a contest at school and the theme was, "Beautiful Is..." I thought for a minute and realized kids the ages of 3-8 might struggle to really grasp this concept so I thought of what suggestions I could give that might help her.

For that age group beauty is a vague, abstract concept. It is not something they can grasp with their hands. Although they are surrounded by beautiful things each day, I doubt they look at a flower and see it as beautiful with a deep understanding of the idea. To help a child begin to consider this word I suggest using their five senses to experience the world around them and share in discussing it with you. Take your child to a florist or produce market and let them touch, smell, taste, and see the variety of colors. Then ask them, which ones are they drawn to, and why. Explain to them that those colors, objects, sounds, or feelings are those they find beautiful. At a young age it must start with their experiences but as your children age, you will begin to spread their wings a bit and teach them that all beauty comes from within and even ugly can be beautiful.

I believe that we are created by God with an understanding for 'beauty' in each of us. Science can't explain the concept as to why when we see a rainbow or the face of a child we experience it as 'beautiful'. Part of me truly believes that what we find as beautiful is God's way of showing us what the Garden of Eden would have been like. We get little glimpses or tastes of what he meant for us, and I am grateful for those moments in life.

As you compare and contrast songs, moments, feelings, textures, etc. with your child encourage them to explain why or why not they are drawn to one thing in particular. This conversation is critical in teaching them to live artistically and it will actually build a foundation for them to understand the scientific process as well. Most of all, have fun with the activity or conversation, because the process of the understanding is really the point, not the end result of did they get it.

I hope some of you will choose to paint with your children during this holiday season. Those gifts are the most precious and 'beautiful' to give and receive. Beauty can be abstract to young ones but it doesn't have to be. If you want to truly show them something beautiful, give them a mirror.
This is Lilly, she and her painting are both, BEAUTIFUL!

Why Angels and Crosses?

2009-11-05T16:19:00.008-06:00

What a crazy week it has been in the Goodwin household! When I was physically able to start painting again I had no idea where it would lead me,other than to my art table and the occasional gallery visit. During the past few weeks doors have opened up for me to share my art with several different groups of people. I really gave that some thought and considered each venue. Normally, I don't paint for a specific group, but considering the holidays are around the corner, I really had to tweak my thinking on that.
As I did, I also had a conversation with God about why I paint. First, I am grateful for the gift of creativity so I wanted to be a good steward of that. I also have learned that when I paint a cross or an angel, and then blog about it, people who read it are touched, it connects with them in a way that my 'normal' art doesn't. For that main reason, I chose to spend a good bit of time painting angels and crosses for the holidays.
As I painted, I spent a lot of time researching verses to go with each one, and can honestly say I haven't spent that much time perusing the bible since the days of our bible drills when I was a child. It was a meaningful experience to say the least. Most all of the paintings in this series have a verse, painted somewhere within, because besides being grateful for my gift of painting, I knew I HAD to use it to share my faith as well. So, as you look over some of these little gems, know that they were lovingly created and prayed over, each one. A prayer that simply was meant for whoever who sees one or purchases one, would gain some since of who Christ is in their life, and in hopes that it would bring them joy.

I wish I could say this was easy, that whipping these out was a walk in the park, but as all my disabled artist friends know, that is not the case for those of us who struggle with bodies that don't match our zeal for life. There were days I painted slower than others, but, as asked, I painted through it and saw the effort pay off, at least in the journey, not monetarily. Artists struggle in many ways, so I ask all of you to consider supporting your local art community this holiday season buy purchasing art as gifts for Christmas if you choose to celebrate it. I am thrilled to share my gift with you, not only the paintings, but the journey as well. Drop me a line, I would love to hear from you about your journey as well.

To see more angels and crosses, visit Facebook and join my fanpage, The Artwork of Ardith Goodwin,

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/pages/The-Artwork-of-Ardith-Goodwin/152181337825?ref=ts

Serenity Prayer Angel

2009-10-26T14:47:00.003-05:00

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

13 years ago I came face to face with the reality and importance of that prayer. I was facing a divorce, raising a son on my own, and tried my best to hold my world together the best I could. In my own strength, my best, of course, just wasn't going to cut it. My auto-pilot of drifting numbly through life got turned off and the reality of the world that I thought I knew came crashing down. It was harsh to say the least. I spent the next couple of years struggle with depression and alcohol issues, and but for the grace of God, would I survive it all.
Part of that recovery led me to many AA meetings where I met some of the most wonderful people in my life. We would close each meeting with that prayer, but I wouldn't really come to believe it, or embrace it, until many years later when my life experiences would teach me its true importance.
I know there are probably many of you that secretly deal with addictions on a daily basis. I'm not just talking about drugs and alcohol either. I am talking about addictions to anything, like FB, soap operas, sex, or your neighbor's spouse, that are so strong they take us out of reality and leave us in a world that doesn't really exist. Sometimes, at least for me, it was easier staying in that world, the one of fantasy or denial, because the reality of my true world was just something I wasn't ready for. Then I began to really think about this prayer and use it, daily, often over and over, to get me through some really difficult moments.
Being a mom made this prayer one I would need many times. Watching my son grow into a young man had many highlites and some lows, but I am proud of who he is. That doesn't mean I agree with all of his choices. In those instances I use this prayer to talk to God so that I understand where I stop and my son begins.
I also understand that for many who deal with addictions the concept of believing in God is difficult. I, as sure as I am breathing, believe that there is a higher power, whom I choose to call God. With that said, I also respect each person's right to make their own choice in the matter, I can't change them. What I can do is share how that one prayer, such a simple little thing,has kept me sane through many dark periods in my life. When my doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong, I prayed it. When my body failed me repeatedly, I prayed it. When I felt that call to go down the road of living in denial, I prayed it. And, when I felt like the whole world was falling in on my head I prayed it then, too.
For some of us, it's not easy understanding what it means to be strong and courageous on a daily basis. I for one have more days where I feel lost than found, but that prayer is one that is part of me, and I believe God placed it in my life as a protection, against myself, and against other people's issues I try so hard to make my own.

So, for today, in this moment, I share my Serenity Angel with you. Not to toot my own horn about a new painting, but to help maybe just one person realize those life altering decisions that have to be made on a daily basis can be done successfully if by only saying and embracing this simple prayer. You do not walk alone. You do not encounter emotions that others have not shared. You do not live a moment without God being with you as well. May this angel and the Serenity prayer bring hope to you, and me, who will always struggle with addictions, but hopefully rise above them.

The Soldier's Cross of Courage

2009-10-20T15:29:00.030-05:00

As I write this, somewhere in Afghanistan or abroad, and American soldier has just been wounded or killed in battle. Let that sink in for a minute. You are in a safe place most likely, reading this in the comfort of your home on your phone, and an American soldier has just had his or her life ended or tragically changed forever. How humbling that is to me. For the past years I have watched the war on TV, got frustrated over it, not understood it really, but the reality of the cost to American lives and families never really sunk in until this week. Going to http://icasualties.org I checked to see if a soldier died today. The last soldier listed died Oct. 17th, Spc. Michael A. Dahl Jr., 23, of Moreno Valley, Ca.,died Oct. 17 in Argahndab, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when enemy forces attacked his vehicle with an IED. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 17th Infantry Regiment, 5th Stryker Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Lewis, Washington. Details about Spc. Dahl can be found here, http://freedomremembered.com/index.php/spc-michael-a-dahl/

I don't know him, his family, what his life story was, all I know is that he is no longer with us and his family and friends are grieving the loss of someone they cherished and loved dearly. I can't really imagine. Because the media isn't allowed to show the caskets brought home on TV, I believe apathy sets in, at least for me I became desensitized to it, and for that I am horrified.

When I began the journey of painting crosses God put on my heart to paint one for our soldiers. For weeks I thought about it, how I would paint it, what it needed to have in it. The thoughts were not easy. I began researching lives of soldiers and how many wars Americans have fought in. I thought about my brother, my dad and uncles and cousins, my friends, and all who work and fought to serve our country. Then I began to pray and talk to God about it. After praying, the painting you see here began to evolve. A friend suggested the verse in Joshua but I was leaning towards one in Jeremiah. When she explained why the Joshua verse was so fitting, I prayed about it too, and God clearly said to share his story with soldiers, so I am. Joshua was going into battle himself, he was discouraged, he was afraid, and God said this to him: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

What a powerful message, so it became the story and verse behind my motivation for this cross. I knew I wanted each branch of the military represented, but I didn't want it to be political. I added the five main branches by painting their emblems. I then thought about soldiers who are Christians, who pray for their fellow brothers and sisters who serve, and who die in battle. But I also thought about soldiers of different beliefs as well, so I chose to pray for all of them. The center represents the soldiers cross. When a soldier dies, they put the rifle in the ground, hang his or her hat on it, and lay the boots at the base. What a powerful image. I also wanted to honor the unknown soldiers who died in battle, so I painted the memorial for that, with a soldier in salute. On the cross is an angel, arms around the soldier's cross, for protection of those who serve their duty to country. The cross itself is purple, the color of courage and of the purple heart. The green border line represents life, which I pray and claim for each soldier at home and abroad. The 21 red dots represent the 21 wars our country has fought since its creation. The face of the angel is tri-colored, representing soldiers of different races, but Americans, who fight and defend our country. The flag sits behind the cross, but most importantly, the words, IN GOD WE TRUST, sit on the cross, to remind all of us that OUR country was founded under God, and regardless of religions, we put our faith in him as Christians for protect our loved ones as they serve and to provide for their families here at home. The word COURAGE is bold, because it takes great courage to volunteer to leave one's family and country to go fight in a war to defend our freedom. Joshua 1:9 sits in the background, not to overshadow the cross, but to remind those who serve that they are not alone, that others have gone before them, and that God is with them , wherever they go in battle or service to country. It is also painted in yellow, but when you move to the left or right, it glows blue, a color true to our our nation.

That's what the colors and symbols mean, but this is what it means to me. For the past couple of weeks as I worked on this cross, my left arm and neck began to really bother me. I knew I had neck issues, and had just bragged about feeling better after spending a year recovering from a lumbar spinal fusion. I went to have an MRI and found out that I had ruptured a disc in my neck and have a spur that is impinging on the nerve. I now face a possible surgery, my 21st, but am praying there will be options to avoid that. As I knew my own body was in pain while I painted it occurred to me how much pain our veterans live with on a daily basis. How much pain a family endures when they watch their loved ones walk on that plane to be gone for a year or two, and most of all, how much pain a family feels when they hear the words that their loved one has died in action is pain I will never know. My pain is easy compared to that, so on I painted and on I prayed. I prayed for those we have lost, and those who have been injured. I prayed in thanks for those who serve to support us here, their families, who quietly do their duty each day with little thanks. I prayed in thanks for my brother and dad and family members who serve or have served their country and felt proud to honor them through this cross. And then I prayed that this cross would reach those it was meant for, that it would bring them hope, relieve their fears, and possibly put a smile on the face of at least one soldier sacrificing his or her all, so I could paint it. For that soldier and all of them, THANK YOU!

I pledge to honor our heroes, those who serve, and those who have fallen serving. Freedom is not free. My challenge to you is to choose to share this cross and its story with those you love, those who serve, and may it be an artistic way to remind us all to never forget, to lift up in prayer, and to never take for granted the sacrifices they give so that we may live such comfortable lives in our great country.
(To see the steps in the creation of this cross on FB join my fan page, The Artwork of Ardith Goodwin)

New Work and the Nature of God, What a loaded topic!

2009-10-15T09:32:00.008-05:00

Ideas for painting have been coming in by the droves lately. I am grateful, but for some artists that can be overwhelming and they tend to shut down because of creativity overload. Thankfully, that hasn't happened this time and I have been pleased with my new works, although the journey to paint them hasn't been easy by any means. Most all my blog followers know my lower back has issues. Well, my whole spine has issues and that, for what ever reason, is the revelation that it seems to be the season for back issues. I had been able to deal with my neck pain for the past few years because my lumbar was so bad, but since I have been painting, it has royally screwed up the disc in my neck and now painting has become a mountain to climb. I don't mind mountains, I am just a bit peeved lately at how many I have been asked to climb. I feel guilty even writing that, but it's honestly how I feel in this moment. You see, my painting has brought me sanity the past few months. I have seen it touch people, I have seen God use it to reach others, and I have seen it light up the faces of many who need a little bit of light in their worlds. Flat out, I won't give it up at this point until my arm is completely numb and I am going to claim that this too shall pass so I can paint on. I have pretty much flushed, got off my pity pot, and am choosing to embrace joy from this point on, and I wanted to leave you with the thought of me *grinning from ear to ear* despite the mountain.

As to the nature of God comment. There will be a blog coming up completely devoted to that topic but this came up in conversation this week and for once, when asked, I knew the answer like I was breathing. I couldn't have answered it quickly a year ago, but the other day I did. For me, the true nature of God is this: He desires an intimate, daily relationship with us to share His grace and love with us so that we can share it with others. That's not complicated for me to get, it's not waxing philosophical, it's just what he has shown me. It's not tied to being religious, being right or wrong, it's simply the understanding the God adores us and wants to share our moments. Then we are free to share them with others and well.....the world can change that way, one person at a time can't it? Ok, off my soap box for now :). I have a fan page on Facebook, The Artwork of Ardith Goodwin. If you are a FB peep, join it, I would love to share this walk with you. Hope you all like my new works. God's Peace, Love, and my hope that you know you are fabulous!
Here are a couple of new pieces that I have been able to work on.

Almost forgot! The library painting I did, "Love Reading, Love the World" got honorable mention in the show. The quality of the work was so good, that I was thrilled just to be juried in. If you get by the Grelot library before Dec. 4, go upstairs and see the show, it's one not to miss.

The Healing Cross

2009-10-07T12:37:00.003-05:00

Many of you have read this story on FB, but for those who haven't, I am posting it here by request. Peace friends!

After creating the cross for Mike Napoli I have laid in bed all hours of the night thinking about the significance of crosses. I have always loved them, collect bling blingy ones to wear around my neck, and hold the cross of Jesus on the crucifix most sacred. But it got me thinking just what crosses mean to each person and for some people, I realized they are a way to celebrate a life, a love, or a dream. The concept of healing to me is quite important. Many of you know I struggle with chronic pain from a long list of health issues but I have also come to understand that faith in our loving God goes a long way in helping minimize or even take that pain away. I have also watched over the years many loved ones and friends family members fight courageous battles against cancer and other life threatening diseases. I don't understand at all why some are healed and some are not, but I have come to a peace about that and I share it here with you.

I believe God does not want harm to come to us. During the course of our lives things happen and the consequences of those things, intentional or not, have results that affect our bodies, minds, and spirits. As a dear friend taught me, God is capable of only his very best towards us, and in that I hold fast and firm as to the healing power that surrounds us. I have also watched dear friends lose the battle with illness and though it's heartbreaking and makes me intensely angry at times I realize that outcome may just be God's way of "healing" that body once and for all. I find great peace and comfort in that.

This cross was created for those of us who suffer with pain or illness or know those who do. There is no magical claim of healing in it from me, but there is much prayer that has been put into it as it was created. While I thought about what to add or leave out, I considered all those people, like Angelique's son, who faces a tremendous fight ahead. I thought of my friends who struggle with mental illness, my husbands back, my dad's body, my sister and her family. I even thought of as many people I know who suffer from lack of love and compassion. As I thought about these people and issues I prayed to God through this cross. I asked him that those who see it or have it will find peace, comfort, and know that he holds them gently in his hand at all times, in health and in wellness.
The color green is significant, it's the sign of life!
The swirls in the background represent God's breath and the Hebrew word Kavod.
The angel is an angel of healing.
The purple represents courage, which all of us who suffer need tons of.
Red is the color of Christ's blood, which in its essence assures us eternal life.
The rings throughout the picture represent eternal, unending love.
Orange is the color of joy, which is so precious and hard to find in times of illness.
There is the symbol of psychology to the left, the cadaceous for the medical field to the right.
The oil lamp serves two fold, one of anointing and one of Florence Nightingale, who represents nursing.
39 circles in the outer rings, if you believe this, represent the 39 lashes Jesus received on the cross, and the 39 root diseases that all others spread from.
The waves represent water, healing water and tears that we all need to cleanse us.
The two hand are Christ's hands and healing hands, when they are laid on us in prayer. They spread healing light, into our universe, for us t embrace in times of need.
The scripture is 3 John ch. 1:2, Behold, I pray that you may prosper in all things, and be in health, just as your soul prospers.
The leaves and brown color represent the tree of life, that we all spring from.
The red cross at the top represents just that, The Red Cross, who help us in time of illness and need.
The four corner prisms represent strength, because we all need as much as we can get when we are ill.
The bold colors are to brighten the hearts and days of those who are ill and their caretakers.
And, last but not least, the heart of the angel, which represents true love, the heart of God who adores us, and our love for one another.

If you know someone in need of healing who might need a pick me up feel free to share this cross, it's intended to do just that. Peace Peeps, I love you all! Ardith

Library Show I Got In!

2009-10-04T10:54:00.007-05:00

WoooooooHooooooo! I got into my first juried show at the library with these two pictures. I entered the Mobile Public Library Art Show and both pieces got juried in. I still laugh at "Flannery, I'm Your Many" and the "Love Reading, Love the World" speaks to the teacher in me. I haven't added them to my website yet but that will come. Spent the last few weeks dealing with a bad asthma attack which landed my behind back in the hospital but it was only for a brisk visit, thank God. The painting has been good for me, hard on my neck, but good for the soul. I am working on a new cross, one on TRUST, but it is turning out to be a tad challenging. Will update my God moments later along with my new work. We are headed to Birmingham for my one year check up on my spine surgery. Lower back is good, I am grateful, but most of all, always thankful to God for the journey! Peace Peeps! Ardith

A Beautiful Life Well Lived

2009-09-17T08:35:00.007-05:00

I was in Atlanta last week on Sept. 11 and as I lay on my bed after a long day of walking I decided to take some time to think about what possibly could be going through the heads of all those families on this day who lost a loved one. It was hard to imagine really. I haven't lost a family member in such a way, but in looking over those who I do still share breath with each day I was almost paralyzed with fear at the thought of losing one or all of them. So, I simply said a prayer for them and then turned my attention on my dear friend Monica who had lost her beloved dad to a courageous battle with cancer earlier in the week.
Mike Napoli was one of those rare gems in life. He exuded life by living out loud, in a humble kind of way, through his ministry as a priest, a husband, a dad, a grandad, a best friend, and he served his country. Although I wasn't nearly as close to him or El as I was Monica, what stuck out to me like a sore thumb was the beautiful children he helped raise and their commitment to serve God outwardly and with joy. Men like Mike seem to be rare these days, at least to me. I know a ton of people, and a ton of Christians, but I know few who have chosen to live a life dedicated to Christ like Monica and her family, and to that I give Mike and El a whole bunch of credit.
His grandson Ben posted some old pics of Mike and it was obvious how much he loved life, loved laughter, but most of all, LOVED his family. I can only hope and pray when I go they can say the same for me.

I also want to share a God moment in the passing of Mike Napoli that came unexpectedly at 4 am, gee are you surprised, the morning he died. I had been startled awake for some reason and God said to me, "Ardith, pray through the morning for the Napoli's." Hmmm.... I thought about that and decided the best way I could do that would be to paint. I had wanted to paint Mike a cross, had researched his genealogy and stuff, but had not begun the actual painting yet. So, at 4 am I began to draw and create the Mike Napoli cross you see here. The God part of all of it is that with each pencil line or brush stroke, I said a pray for him, so I can't tell you how many prayers are really in this cross, but enough for the family to know he was so loved. At around 8 am I got a text that Mike had passed at 4:55 am, exactly the time I was painting his cross. Still gives me chills. I finished it around 9 and delivered it that day to a grieving, tender family, but through the tears I could see the joy in their faces of a testament to a life well lived. The symbolism of the cross is important for you to understand the entire beauty of this man and his cross.

Green - The color of life that his family embraced for the past 7 years.
Red - The color of the blood of Christ and one of Mike's favorites.
Orange - Mike's favorite color
Purple - Royal Courage, which if you knew him he had
White - The grace and purity of Christ, and of Mike now with him
Blue and White Stripes, Fleur de Lise, and Two gold stars are from the official Napoli crest.
North Star - So he would easily find his way home.
Brown - Nature and Earth, Mike had a down to earth nature we all loved
Blue and Red Chevrons - in honor of service to country
51 outer dots in circle - Mike's favorite passage, Psalm 51
John 3:30, his favorite verse
2 gold rings in center, Mike and El's lifetime love
2 orange dots to each side - Dawn and Monica
2 red bars - their spouses
3 green bars - Darby, Sydney, Ben
N -Napoli
Blue vertical Bar - My favorite color, because I LOVE this family!

As exhausting as it was I knew flowers weren't my style and this gift was such a God thing. I missed his memorial, but they printed the cross on the bulletin, so in some small way I was there giving a hug to this great family, and my dear friend of 19 years.

Cancer is not fair is it? I don't understand why some people beat it and some don't. But, one thing I have learned from Monica is the we serve a God who is incapable of nothing but his very best towards us. In that, as I remember the 9/11 families, the Napoli's, and now another friend who's young son was just diagnosed this morning, I trust that to be true and ask that God hold ALL of us in his loving hands.

JOHN 3: 30 HE MUST INCREASE AND I MUST DECREASE,
(Here's to you Mike on a BEAUTIFUL LIFE WELL LIVED!)

Trusting God and Walking With Him vs. Knowing of Him and Doing Things for Him

2009-07-07T02:28:00.017-05:00

Have you ever wondered why, in the middle of the night, you get some of the best ideas to write about, rather during the day? I asked God about this, he laughed and said, "This one is easy, I have your undivided attention at night." I just layed there and knew he had me on that one, so here I sit, with another blog to write.

I am currently in a bookstudy at Christ Anglican Church and we are reading/discussing "True Faced" by John Lynch. To sum it up, he proposes that we actually walk through life wearing masks, some of us wear lots of them, and never fully embrace our authentic, God created selves. He then goes on to explain his understanding of how to finally take the masks off, and live a life free of them, in God's grace, and the thought of that had me hooked. What makes this book even more interesting to me, is that I am reading it just after reading "Walking with God", by John Eldridge, and the two of them combined have given me a whole new perspective of what this following God thing is all about, so I share my short take of that here with you, because God decided to wake me up at 2 am and said it's important. I have learned when things like that happen, not to ignore it, he always has a greater purpose.

So, in "True Faced", the idea that most of us live in one of two rooms in life, room one being Trusting God, and room two being Performing for God, is a concept that got me thinking. As I read through the first two chapters of 'True Faced', my new understanding that God desires an intimate relationship with me, from "Walking with God", kept popping in my head, and I knew the two were relevant. You see, I believe there are two rooms, but the Trusting God room is also connected to Walking with God, and the Performing for God is also connected to lots of people Knowing who God is. They all go hand in hand. And how is that relevant?

I can only speak for myself, but the difference in living in room one rather than in room two has changed my life, in remarkable ways. I'll start by explaining what living in room two, Knowing of God and Performing for him, looks like. I was raised in a Christian home and became a Christian at the age of 10. For 41 years, I knew who God was, believed in him, went to church for the most part, read my bible at times, did good things for people, helped others, tried to set a good example, prayed, sang in the choir, loved children, taught school, always leaned toward the idea that God was in control and his will would be done. Underneath all those masks, I was depressed, sad, had screwed up relationships, and felt condemned to always live like that, but could never let anyone see it (See the pattern here?) Lots of doing,lots of numbness, but very little living, and I had little understanding of what 'walking' with God not to mention 'trusting' him really meant. Was I happy? At times, but for the most part, due to lots of reasons, I wasn't, but could never explain why. Most people saw me as happy, (mask, mask, mask), but inwardly I was pretty empty, I questioned the whole God idea and believed life was cruel and at my best I was a screw up.

Now move to room one, Trusting God and walking with him daily. This room is much harder to stay in, or even walk into. It's easy to get caught up in the doing, because I can list all the "things" I do well, right, and for God, which help make me feel like I am a good Christian. But the trust isn't there really. Walking into this room is a whole other ball of wax, because it requires that first, I am willing to take my masks off and allow God to see me for who I really am, and see myself for that matter, and then swallow the fact that I don't have the answers, he does. It's also quite humbling. I went from a doer to first, a listener and someone who chooses to talk with God as I walk through my day, and second, I DO or NOT DO the things he asks. What? I thought the doing part was in room two. It is, but it's also in room one, in a different way. In room two, for the most part, I chose what I wanted to do, the when, why, and how, with no trust part for God and my life stayed royally screwed up, at least on the inside. In room one, I first have to talk to God, and then trust him to give me the direction HE wants me to take, and often it's not what I really want to do, which is hard. But, I can tell you like I am sitting here, the times I choose to talk with and trust God, have been life changing, to the point of OMG weird, but in a really awesome God way. Let me show you what this looks like.(I listed the "Performing for God" parts earlier), here are the Walking and Trusting God parts, at least a few.

1. I spent some time loading songs on my ipod a few weeks ago and as I was talking with God about some of the songs and he said, "Make your sister a cd." Hmmm...I was like, with what, and thought how strange. So I skimmed through songs and as I came across a title that seemed to stick out like a bird singing I added each to my playlist. After about 10, I asked if these were the right ones, and as I heard a yes, I then heard, 'rearrange' them. I thought about that, and then realized the ten songs I picked out were ones that started with lyrics about being flat on your knees in despair to the last one being about being delivered and praising God. I burned the cd, wrote a message on it, and put it aside. A few hours later my sister had to stop by, unexpectedly, and this is what she said. "I wish I had some music I could listen to in the car, just for me, the girls always get my music and I need some new stuff just for me." I almost fell out of my chair. I laughed, handed her the cd, and told her to read the wrapper, it simply said, " God has a message for you." Needless to say, the impact of that message is still working, and I am still amazed and mystified about God's timing.

2. Three weeks ago God said to me, "Time to write your testimony." I was like, again, "What?" To who, what for, what testimony? He simply said write it, so nine pages later I sent it to two people to read and asked them to give me some feed back on content, having no idea what point there was to writing it really. The following week I got an email from the leader of a woman's bible study group I attend. She wanted to know if I would give my testimony before the group that next week. Once again, almost fell out of my chair laughing. I told her about the humor in her request, and she just knew it was another God thing. She also had NO idea I had written it already before she asked. God Weird, but good!

3. This blog is an interesting part of me trusting God. If you read the posts written before Jan. of this year you notice a difference in the ones written lately. Why? Well, back in March, God said to me he would use this blog to reach people he needed to reach, and my story would be an important way to reach them. At first, I was like, "What story, you can't be serious, and what about my story would make a hill of beans difference to anyone who reads it?" God said, "Your whole story is important, but I'm asking you to trust me in writing this blog, take risks for me, and trust me." So, as you can see in March, my topics have been quite, 'different' to say the least. I have written about very personal topics, took risks to share personal, tragic events in my life, that I really DIDN'T care to share here, but trusted him regardless. What I didn't expect was the overwhelming response this blog would have on some people. (And I humbly say this, not trying to toot my horn at all) I have met people from all over the world, some atheists who don't believe in God, but choose to read my blog, and even met one person online, who I have never seen, who honestly was considering ending her life, but because of God's message that she is not alone, that there are actually people out there that understand her pain, she is actually still breathing and walking the Earth. I could go on and on about how these words impact people, but that's not the point. The words aren't mine, they are God's. If he told me to write fairy tales at this point I would, because even though I don't quite understand why he would ask me to do these things, he does, and that's the point really, Trusting God, Walking with him intimately, and living an authentic life like I never thought possible.

I wish I could say all of God's requests were easy but, honestly, sometimes, he tells me no, don't go there, and even in those times I see the impact of what the other choice would have been like, and I am grateful, regardless of the hurt I might feel, that I trusted him.

So,living in room one really isn't easy. It's actually the HARDEST way I have ever lived, because the evil powers that exist in this world are none too happy when I choose to stay in that room. It's much harder for them to get to me there. Oh, they try, they try so hard I often feel like I am being run over by a bus, and I often question when can I come up for air. But at the end of the day, when I close my eyes and talk to God about the whole deal, we laugh, he tells me how proud he is of me, how loved I am, and sometimes he simply puts his arms around me and helps hold me up. That type of trusting and following God I get, hook, line, and sinker. The other type, am I on enough committees, volunteering enough at church, keeping up with enough prayer lists, going to church enough, etc. will never be the type of life I believe God intended for me to live. (And I am in NO way dissing working at church. I am simply saying, are you 'doing' lots of things for God or asking and trusting him if you should be? He may want you writing a blog like me, rather than teaching Sunday school, my point is, ask him, that's all.) And the more I talk to him about it, the more he wants you to know the same thing, RUN TO ROOM NUMBER ONE! He has a hug and lots of love waiting for you there.

For those of you who read this blog and go, "Nobody talks to God or hears his voice, she must be nuts," let me explain. After 41 years one of my first prayers to God was that would he communicate with me in a way I would understand and would he please have a sense of humor? Ever since, we have a unique line of communication going that I can't explain, but honestly don't try to. It is what it is. I would challenge you that if you struggle with praying and feel that you never hear back from God, maybe change your prayer a bit. First ask him what I did. I can't say you will get the same result, I really have no clue, but what do you have to lose by asking?

The two books listed above are simply MUST reads for anyone wishing to walk through this life with a relationship with God and one with your true self. They are part of a bigger story of how my life has shifted, but I can't say enough about the impact they have had on me. All because those authors took risks and wrote the words God gave them. I'll be looking for you in room one, we are a humbled, messed up bunch, but filled with lots of love and acceptance.

A few AWESOME verses about the trust issue:

Psalms 51:10-13

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right [1] spirit within me.
11 Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will return to you.

The Message about Rainbows (at least for me)

2009-06-23T11:19:00.013-05:00

I have always been fascinated with rainbows. Actually, the color spectrum seen through prisms, which can also be seen in rainbows, is the attraction, at least I thought, until I really gave some deeper thought into the significance of rainbows in my life. My perspective on both is now different, and I share it here with you.

Lately I have been dealing with a spirit of condemnation about a lot things and several sources said I needed to look to the scriptures to see what God says about each 'issue' I have. The scripture to one of those came to me even before I knew I would be searching it out, and it came to me through the beauty of a rainbow. A few days ago my therapist told me that all evil spirits have a weakness, there are none that can't be defeated through God, and he asked if I knew of a Godly strength within me to help defeat it. I gave that some thought and the only thing that came to mind at the time was ever since I was alive I have always felt God's light within me, and I take that to be my faith in him, but describe it as his light. Now pure light is white, when all the colors of the visible light spectrum merge, it is white, and no one color is reflected off of our eyes. (that's a simple way to put it), but each color exists within that light, so as I see it, God is in me, his light exists in me, so all those colors exist in me as well. And, the colors of the rainbow are not simply red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet. Rainbows contain EVERY color that exists on this planet, our eyes are just not simply made to register each one on its own. Now, what do you know about me? This is easy for those of you who really know me but for those online, I'll fill you in.

When people describe me, my personality, my art, they always choose to use color. If any one person could ooze color, per say, it would be me, always has been, and I can't explain it, it is what it is. So, in the context of what defense I have my answer was that God's light and faith, living within me, is my greatest defense against the spirits that fight against me.

Now, let's fast forward, to this past weekend. It was the pits, for many reasons I won't list here, but just believe me when I say it ranked in the top five of all time bad ones on my list. I recall saying, and asking God repeatedly, "Why aren't you throwing me a lifeline here when you see me drowning? I just don't get it, or if it's there, would you make it more obvious, please?" Meanwhile, I lay here recovering from a really fun stomach virus that I had driving 6 hours to and 6 hours from UAB and the thought of our grass dying outside because it is being baked by this record setting heat. So, I crawled out of bed, went outside and grabbed the hose to start watering the grass, feeling like weak puppy water, as my best friend says. What do you think I saw while I did this? Yep, a RAINBOW across my field of vision as I held the sprayer. It took a minute or two to let this sink in, and then I began to laugh, out loud, because I got it, my lifeline that I had not been seeing. Not only did he show it to me, he even showed me a double one, a double rainbow, which if you know anything about rainbows, you know how rare they are. I stood there amazed and mystified about seeing two gorgeous rainbows in front of me. I started playing with the water to figure out why I could see them in some spots but not the others, and then it occurred to me, the sunlight had to be behind me, and the raindrops in front of me. I wish I could have cried out and let the emotion I felt about this exist outwardly, but I didn't. I just knew this was no coincidence, this was God sending me a message. So, usually when I know that, I stop what I'm doing and pay close attention so I don't miss it.

I walked into my house, wet and all, and Googled double rainbows. I began to see gorgeous pics of them, but more importantly I wanted to know how they were created, what was their purpose. As I read, I began to understand the significance of the sun being behind you and the rain in front, both having to exist at a set specific point in time for the rainbow to be created. And as I read, I closed my eyes and asked God what this mean, and here is what he said to me, " Ardith, you have always carried my true light within you, and you reflect it through your many different colors you choose to paint life with. All of those experiences you have lived and suffered through are important, they are the tears required to have my light reflect through you in the way it was meant to, as a rainbow. I have your back through each one, but it took teardrops, sometimes lots of them, to be able to reflect my love through you, and by your own colors, others see me in you. That power within you is more powerful than any evil spirit that is within or around you, and it is meant to be shared. But more importantly, you must first trust me in this and believe me completely, this promise I give to you, that through any pain you walk through, I, your father will not bring any harm to you.

Whew, that was a lot, a big " I wouldn't want to miss it message" and then I stumbled onto a blog about rainbows where someone had commented this message about them:

God made a covenant with his people, a promise, that he would never harm the Earth by flooding it like that again, and God never lies. Don't ever believe there is only scientific phenomenon behind rainbows, it is God's promise to us.
I set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a sign of a covenant between me and the Earth. Never again shall the water become a flood to destroy all flesh. Genesis 9:13, 15 (Anonymous)

And then I knew it, the point of the entire message, which led me back to my list of condemnations I feel and me having to look up scriptures about each one. Here is the one this answers, the first of many I feel I will share with you:I feel condemned to never know how to fully trust God.
There, I said it, but what do we know about this verse in the bible and why God said it? He made a covenant to his people that the Earth would NEVER be flooded again to end all of human life, and to my knowledge, that has never happened, which means when God makes a promise he keeps it, HE CAN BE TRUSTED! Now I know this trust thing is a daily walk, but for me in this day, this was a much appreciated message I needed, a lifeline I had been missing. And, as I walked to the car to get my laptop so I could come and write this, I opened the car door, and hanging from my rear view mirror is a large, crystal shaped teardrop I like to call my disco ball, and inside my car there where hundreds of tiny rainbows dancing all over my car. God's light, shining through my teardrop, showing me rainbows. Ahhh, what a moment that was. And this last part is the kicker, to the significance of it all, do you know what the letters of the rainbow stand for? (At least in my opinion)
Reaching
All
In
Need
By
Our
Witness

May God send you a rainbow so you may know and believe that his love and trust for you are real with every breath you take. That is my prayer for each of you today.

A Ten Year Perspective

2009-06-12T22:41:00.012-05:00

I've been in therapy for a while. Shocking! Me, in therapy? LOL, I can't imagine life right now without a little help from the big guy upstairs and those he anoints down here, so for now, I am GRATEFUL for the opportunity to talk out my issues so they don't control me, oppress me, keep me from joy and it isn't always easy. Honestly there are days that I want to put on my happy face and run for the hills, there are days that I just hang my head and wish I was on any other planet but this one, and then there are days that I hear a familiar voice saying, " I know how you feel" or "I'm going through the same thing" and then I know I am right where I am supposed to be for now. There are even days I drop my crackberry, no, submerge it in a full glass of tea, kill it, and stop and lay hands on it and pray because I am willing to be "silly for God" as a friend said. (That phone was healed too, can't explain, but worked like a charm.) I won't spend this post bragging about my therapist, although he is the best I have ever seen, because it is God through him that helps him be so effective, so to God I say thank you, deeply. This post will be two poems, one from 1999 and one from now, to show myself how my perspective has changed, and honestly the second one isn't written yet, so its content is a mystery. I start here, 7-22-99

Hourglass of my Soul
Eyes closing, gentle
Images of my childhood
flash like billboards.
Each vision separate, yet distinct,
a world unto itself
united in the universe called "me."

Spliced fragments of my humanness
forming the essence of who I am today.
Echoing the passions of a misspent youth.
Incessant reruns of mistakes,
a young girl merely learning how to embrace life.

Triumphs and tragedies
frame each scene
leaving me to question
my choices and their
inevitable course on the
roadmap of my life.

I know where I've come from
I know where I'm going.
Save time and the hourglasses last grain
I may once again bask in the light of a new day
rejoicing in the gift of humanity.

Tears fell and will fall
reminding me of what once was
and will be.
Drawing from the wellspring of my spirit
to pen words to page
recording the fundamental truth
of what it means to be alive,
a soul within and without.

And here 10 years later, almost scared to write this one, but never call me a chicken!

Your Name

Days go by where strength is hard to come by
and I look upward to you, for the lifeline to hold on to
with frail hands, broken hearted pieces, and quietly
as if drifting on a moonflake, I hear it,
your name.

Your name fills my soul, and heals its brokenness.
Your name finds the darkest places in my heart
and with grace, gently forms bonds once broken
by choices and pain from external to inward wounds.

Curve after curve of difficult mountains to climb
seemed insurmountable, and days I knew my last
breath was near you sent your voice, once again,
floating softly in the wind, through the trees, your name
Your name, saying, "It is well, It is well with my soul"

Countless moments of doubt, of confusion blanket me
like a skin that won't scrub off and is part of me.
But for now, I no longer fight the parts of me that feel foreign
they are of me, part of me, and beautifully made.
And in them, in the likeness of my creator, I hear your name
I hear your name calling out to me, picking my face up
off the floor, and saying my child, every part of you,
is wonderfully made because I made you in my image.

Your brokenness I know,
for my son was broken and is now whole.
Your loss, I know,
for I lost my son, and then he was found.
Your pain I understand,
for in losing my son, my pain was heartbreaking.
Your sadness I know,
because in your free will choices are made.
In your confusion, I bring clarity,
because I know the spirit who confuses you.
I know your innermost thoughts, your desires, your hopes, your pain,
I know you, because You are of me.

And my eyes close, the tears flow,
and with my lips I say your name,
and know you are here, with me in all things, beside me,
carrying me, and in nothing will I be afraid.
And I close my eyes and say your name,
and I close my eyes, lift my head, and hear it,
the angels in heaven singing your name,
to my heart,
to my spirit,
to my strength
so that on this day, and all days forward,
I will know it like I am breathing, your name,
Jehovah, Abba, Father, Daddy!

And with that, I believe a lot has changed in ten years. I'll have to ponder this one a bit, but my first instinct is to say "Hallelujah!" If you physically can't paint, write, then paint with words, often your masterpieces come as a wordsmith, not as a painter.

Unto thee lift I up mine eyes,

O thou that dwellest in the heavens.

Behold, as the eyes of servants look
unto the
hand of their masters,

and as the eyes of a maiden unto the
hand of her mistress;

so our eyes wait upon the LORD
our God,

until that he have mercy upon us.

PSALMS 123:1-2

What makes you laugh?

2009-06-06T11:56:00.008-05:00

These are pics of the VBS at Christ Anglican Church in Mobile.

Well, after my last post I was blown away by the number of replies I got, because I also posted it on my Facebook page. What occurred to me, after reading them all, was that depression appears to be an epidemic in our life, for many different reasons, and the fight for our laughter, our joy, is of utmost importance. So, I began thinking about what makes me laugh, when were the times in my life that I was rolling on the floor laughing with pure joy, or when was I just chuckling to myself at my own clumsiness, fruticakeness, or accidental mess I walked into. As I thought about these an underlying theme began to surface, a lot of those moments had something to do with children.

My true calling from God was to be a teacher. For ten years I taught elementary school, and the laughter and joy I found in the faces of those kids was addicting. There was one little second grade girl, she had tiny freckles across her nose and the most gorgeous red hair. She walked up to me with almost a rage talking 90 to nothing. I got her to calm down and asked what was wrong, and she went into this litany of how Michael had called her the "E" word. I was perplexed, I had no idea what the E word was, but didn't want my lack of understanding to invalidate her feelings. So, I asked, what is the E word. Without hesitation she said, "Ediot!" I lost it, I just couldn't help it, she was so upset, and had no clue why I would laugh, so I quietly explained the spelling error, and she said to me, "I guess that makes me one too doesn't it?" She then turned around and hugged Michael. Now I have no clue how a 2nd grader could have comprehended the meaning so well, but she did, and the laughter made it bearable for all involved, and everyone ended up cracking up in that moment. Kids are instinctively joyful, full of laughter aren't they?

I have been talking to God a lot lately about my desire to be surrounded by kids, because they are close to my heart. A few weeks ago he placed the VBS at Christ Anglican Church in my mind and said he would give me the physical ability to help if I was willing. So, I volunteered and said simply how can I help? They were in need of someone to help with their decorations and set designs, so I knew that was right up my ally.
As we worked with ideas, drew crazy fish and horses, and termite mounds our days were filled with laughter, and I felt God's presence in every moment I spent working towards that goal. I realized that even though, for now, it wouldn't be safe for me to actively work and play around the kids because of my spine issues, the effort I could put into making their world magical would bring smiles on their faces and create memories in their lives, which to me, brings a smile on my face like no other. So for the past two weeks, and on some days thought the pain would really be too much to get through, God provided me with the ability to make it through, with joy.

I do have to share one oh so hilarious day because it simply puts into perspective the laughter part of this adventure.
We had been working and drawing and painting and I had been wearing a pair of hospital scrubs, because well, I kinda have a few if you know me. When I got out of the car in my driveway I bent over to grab my purse and realized my pants had been split in a way too obvious place. Horror filled my eyes because I had no idea how many people I had mooned all morning bending over. I started laughing, and laughing, and though my back was killing me, I just couldn't help realizing it was one of those crazy, Ardithian moments that just happen in my life. Later that day, after posting it on Facebook my friends promised they didn't notice so at some point between church and home I ripped my pants. So, for the poor folks at the gas station and Walmart that I may or may not have mooned I am so sorry, but I bet my life a few of them were cracking up, and in that, I brought a smile to their faces, and my rip was well worth it.

In our darkest hours I have found many, many of you tell me that what brings them out of it is to surround yourself with what brings you joy. For me, it's children, my husband and son, my friends and family, and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, (the original one). I prayed for God to have a sense of humor, and he so has, he has also told me that as my emotional and mental spirit heal, I will find the key to a lifelong understanding of pure joy, and then be able to share it with others. I look forward to that journey. Though it may be difficult at first to muddle through, the goal is so worth the effort, and the opportunity to share it with you, is what motivates me to dive right in!

"The One whose throne is in heaven sits laughing. . . ." (Psalms 2:4)

(A compilation of actual Church Bulletin and Service bloopers)

* Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

* Don't let worry kill you--let the church help.

* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

* Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

* Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She's use the program herself and has been growing like crazy!

* The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

* Tuesday at 4:00 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

Depression is a Weird Animal

2009-05-29T17:19:00.010-05:00

As I write this the feeling of empty numbness lays heavy on my heart and I can't really say why. Depression is a weird animal. For some it comes in waves, knocking them down to where they sleep for days, or cry for hours and hours over nothing in particular. For others it comes after some type of trauma, and takes them by surprise, almost like a thief in the night coming to steal their joy. But for me, it sticks to me like white on rice, quite subtley, for as long as I remember, and has no beginning and no end. A doctor once told me I have 'dysthymia', which is a low grade depression over time, and then I understood a bit about myself, and hated it all at the same time.

Now for those of you who know me, this might come as a surprise, or it might not. When I meet most people they tend to always tell me how joyful and happy I seem. I'm not surprised by it, because I know God gave me a gift of optimism, but there are times that I feel like screaming out, "Do you not have any idea how miserable I feel, do you not see it?" But I know they don't, and I am grateful that the spirit they see in me is not one of the enemy, but one of God. And I wish that were enough, to know that God's spirit is in me, beaming forth with positive light, but for me it just isn't, and I carry a great deal of guilt around because of it. The thought of 'snap out of it', or 'get off your pity pot and flush' comes dancing through my head, taunting me, and I honestly feel helpless to fight against that. There are times I talk to God about it, and experience real joy, and then very quietly it comes creeping back in, like a wet blanket of dew covering each morning. What I would give to find the solution to once and for all be rid of this quiet sadness in my heart.

I have spent a lifetime of dealing with it, this depression, and there have been times it was worse than it is now, but there has not been a time that I can remember that it hasn't in some way been with me. So I started thinking about ways depression is dealt with, to try and get some sense of where I was going wrong. I know the danger and damage that substance abuse brings, the false sense of security it gives you each time you give in and try to quiet the voices in your head. I know the cruel harm it brings when you try desperately to stuff the wounds and hurt that your heart feels only to have it fester and rare its ugly head later down the road. And, I know the fear and trepidation it brings when sitting in a therapist's office and it makes you feel like crawling in your own skin because of the raw emotion it brings up that you have tried to deny your entire life. At best it's exhausting. At worse it takes your life.

In more ways than one it takes your life. It actually can bring you on your knees to the point where you are so blind to hope that you finally cave and end your life. I have experienced this with friends, and the loss never heals. What I also find horrific is that due to my own chronic pain issues, the meds I take are like depression fairy dust, their side effects act as novocain for the heart, where you feel nothing, see nothing, experience nothing, just go through the motions. Life is taken away by that, and then the reality of the benefit of the medicine to treat the pain must be weighed against the toll it takes on the loss of your spirit. One might as well throw craps to see which option is better.

I wish I had some magical answer here, like I found the cure so I could share it with everyone and help some of you with your own pain, but for today I have no answers. For today, I am merely sharing this struggle with you so some of you don't feel alone in this walk, or embarrassed, or hate yourself for living a beautiful life but not being able to embrace its beauty. If I had a wish I would so wish for everyone to be given the keys to unlocking the true joy they are meant to experience as they walk this Earth, it would save families, stop wars, make pain bearable, and mostly bring us closer to God. And what I know, at least for me, is that God must be the key here. The times in my life that I have felt the lowest, he has always found some way to gently reach out, pick my face up, and show me that he loves me. Ahhhh, just the thought brings me some peace, and then, like a brilliant idea that flashes quickly in the mind, I see it, HOPE. For without it, there would be no reason to press on, no reason to love, or laugh, or live really. And in the brief instant that I could wrap my fingers around it God says to me, stay in the moment, talk with him, walk with him, share this pain with him, for he understands it all too well. And I remember the song that was playing as I pulled in the driveway today, "Always", here is the most beautiful lyric I could leave you with:

I believe always, always
our savior never fails.
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain
and his promise remains,
He will be with you always

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

The drawing above was one I did the year I went on disability. It's not one of my favorites, but it is one that shows my brutally honest mood at the time, how fitting.
If you deal with the same issues I would love to know I am not alone in this. Drop me a line so we can pull each other up by the bootstraps, (as most people say in 12 step programs). Love you peeps, with God's love wrapped all between us.
ardith@ardithgoodwin.com

Where did our childhood go?

2009-05-19T22:38:00.008-05:00

Exactly one day and seven hours ago my son James was walking across the stage receiving his diploma from high school. It was a bittersweet moment for me, because on one hand I am so proud of him, but on the other hand it is a red letter day marking the end of his childhood which makes me really sad. I don't have anymore little ones following behind him, he is my one and only, besides my six wonderful step children who all went before him. So, in this moment, I am taking some time to reflect on just what it means to lose our childhood.

I remember it like it was yesterday growing up in Puerto Rico on a military base where my father was stationed. It was one of those places that seemed magical to a child, filled with whimsical playgrounds, matinee movies, and with every holiday a reason to have a parade. I remember vividly the mango trees that lined the sidewalks and as we played and loss track of time, our hunger would be satiated simply by grabbing a big one of the tree and pigging out. I can't imagine any better place to grow up, except for the 42 acres around my grandparents house where I did most of my growing.

I often daydreamed a lot when I was a kid and actually had a teacher write on one of my report cards, 'daydreams a lot'. Isn't that what being a child is all about? Gazing off into our imaginations, the ones God created, and soaring into another world of beautiful watercolor ponies or rainbow colored trees dripping with sugared tulips you could eat? Oh, how I miss those moments when being a child was our only concern, our 'work' per say, where we were free to simply be and play, create and build, dream and wonder about the world we live in and the worlds we wished we did.
I'm not sure why God created us to realize the beauty of childhood only when it has slipped through our fingers, it is a conversation I hope to have with him. Quite possibly he knew that if we understood just how precious childhood is, we may never have been willing to grow up, into adulthood, and honestly many of us haven't, for the most part. (At least I hope I haven't.)

Part of getting ready for James's big day was creating a DVD slideshow of his journey to graduation. I pulled the bags of pictures I had sorted and labeled last summer and painstakingly began pulling out the pics I thought would fit him best. It was a beautiful reminder of how precious his life has been to me, and how precious he is as my son. From the moment he came into this world we took pictures. Gazing into his beautiful face we saw how much potential he had and began praying that his life would be blessed. Throughout his early years there were those pictures of him with wild hair, messy faces, chubby cheeks, and those oh so candid shots of his wild spirit refusing to mold to the status quo. It is those pictures I love the most, the ones that captured his true self through the lens. These pictures took me back to moments I had long forgotten. Ones that were truly what life was meant to be like, surrounded by family and friends, but most of all love.

And in that I realize just what childhood was supposed to be to all of us, a time for unconditional love. God places children in our lives to be treasured, to be enjoyed, and most of all to be loved. I fear that so many of us hurry through the pace of our lives with so much stress that we miss the very moments God places in our paths to be enjoyed. I can't tell you what I would give to turn back the clock and be able to hold my son in my lap and read him another bed time story of Curious George, or let him take his shoes off and play in the mud despite being in clothes that would stain. Those moments for me are gone, like chasing the coattails of priceless memories, but never really catching up to them. And although I keep a childlike spirit within me, as does James, I can never get those precious moments back can I? So what to do with this realization? Tell those of you who still have children in your lives to stop what you are doing, pick your child up and find some reason to laugh with them, play with them, get the play-doh out or by all means, PAINT with them or turn Facebook off and go blow bubbles with them. Actively LOVE them so they will never spend a moment doubting if they were loved or not. But most of all, hug them and tell them how much you love them. Never underestimate the power of a hug and the words "I Love You" in your child's life. You simply will never get those moments back and the more of them you can build with your children, the more of them you will have to look back on and know they were loved, that you did your job well with them.

I believe God has a special place in his heart for children. Those times I feel closest to him I picture myself as a child in his lap, not as an adult, and there is great comfort in that. James is now on his way into adulthood and I am proud of the young man he has become. He will always be my squirt, my sweet little fellow who loved to pinch my cheeks and make the Chubbis laugh and I will always see him as that. But as he grows into adulthood I pray he takes with him the wonder and imagination he had as a child, the one God created in him, because it is in that, that makes our adult lives worth living, and allows us to once again, find our childhood. And in finding our childhood, it just might help some of us find a pathway to be closer to God.