Friday, May 1, 2009

My Angel of Light








These are a few of the steps I took in painting this angel. If you are on Facebook you can see all ten.



It's been a long week, a long month, a long six months if I really stop and think about it. So much has happened that it would take me pages to write about all of it, so I am going to pluck out a small snippet to share here. In the meantime, I have been thinking about matters of the heart lately and talking to God about this. We have some more chatting to do, but my next post will be discussing that, "How alive are we?" I want to make sure I'm getting the big picture before I rattle off here, so come back next week if you are interested.

In the meantime I have finished a new painting, the first one in over a year. What is significant about this painting is how I got the idea, and how I was able to actually paint her. For the last few months I have been dealing with a lot of crazy as nut medical issues, most that can't be explained, and with a spine that is deteriorating at record pace. Last October I had my spine fused, and now, it appears, there are problems with it again. Ugh, I find myself thinking, "Will it ever end?" One night, a few weeks ago I was in horrific pain. It was worse than normal, and I had no idea how I would make it through the night. I knew I had plenty of morphine and other meds, but I am trying so hard not to take any medicine that fogs my brain or my emotions. Pain meds are a big problem there. So, I lay there and began talking to God about this and asking him how on Earth I would make it through the night without coming unglued. The next thing I knew a picture of this angel was placed in front of me, with a light shining from her brighter than anything I had ever seen. At first I thought I was dreaming, then I thought, did I take my meds? too many meds? No, it was just a picture placed in my mind. God said to me, give me your pain and take this angel as a comfort, her light will help you in times of pain. Hmph! How strange, but I've learned lately that strange things having to do with God lately are really good things, so I embraced the image and believe it or not made it through the night.

The next few days she stayed with me though, and I knew I had to paint her. What I didn't know is how I would do it. I can't sit for longer than five minutes without being in horrific pain. I can't stand longer than that before my right leg goes completely numb. If I push it and do any of these things, I regret it and have to take meds to function. Not a happy place for me. So, I asked God to help me do this, because I knew she was important. For the past week or so I worked on her. Some days I could only paint in five minute blocks, because between that I would lay on the bed and ache. Other days, I would work and then be sick as a dog because I had a stomach virus. I questioned if I had lost my mind or not, but then knew to turn right back to God and let him help me through this. He is good at that, when we really let go and let him help us. And, after about a week I had my angel painted. It is not my best work, but it's my most important work to date, because this image came from God, not me. As I was studying the next morning he lead me to the bible verse of:

Isaiah 60:`1 Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord is upon you.

Ahhhh, what a revelation that was. Not only did this angel have a light that came directly from God's love and healing power, but I realized we each carry that same light in us, in different degrees. I can't explain why he chose to share this angel with me, but I am learning not to seek explanations in this walk, but to seek his grace instead. That's a totally new way of life, walking in his grace, with him, not his ideas or principles. So, the angel of light was created in this painting and at this point I'm not sure what to do with her. What I have gotten is that she may not be mine to keep. I was told by a cousin that she is a portal, that will bring others closer to God. That's an interesting concept for sure. All Iknow is she was given to me to help get me through a night of awful pain, and I think of all those of you out there that deal with pain on a daily basis. My heart aches for you, I wish I could do something to ease that pain for you, but I can't make it go away. What I can do is share this angel with you and promise you that God wants to walk with you through any journey that finds you, even if it is one riddled with pain. I am finding that it is in those journeys that God seeks us most often. I will be making prints of this one, she is meant to be shared I think. God's Peace friends, A
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